10 Christmas movies that should never, ever be produced

  1. Zooey Deschanel falls in love with a man-child who wears yellow leggings and eats candy for breakfast.
  2. An eight-year-old boy spends Christmas Eve as a vigilante, while befriending a creepy old man.
  3. Tim Allen accidentally kills Santa Clause. His punishment? Massive weight gain and a beard any hipster would be proud of.
  4. Jim Carrey refuses to wear pants. The citizens of Whoville slowly grow accustomed to seeing his green, furry bottom.
  5. A cookie-cutter Christmas comedy that must include a scene of Kranky Jamie Lee Curtis in a bikini.
  6. The sound of Tom Hanks’ voice for two hours set against the backdrop of a train in a snowstorm. Two hours!
  7. Viewers learn the very important lesson that buying on credit isn’t a smart idea, after Chevy Chase berates his family on Christmas and doesn’t get that swimming pool.
  8. A bunch of attractive Londoners are forced to hear “Christmas Is All Around” for six weeks.
  9. A sequel and third installment of #3 above.
  10. A woman saves a ton of money by buying all her Christmas gifts from Amazon.ca*

*Actually, this one may just have the beginnings of a script.

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