A-list: 5 ways California can solve their water problem

Dear California,
I’ve been reading the news, and I see you’re dealing with quite the drought problem. Sure, you use a lot of your water to supply the world with delicious foods, but don’t get crazy and deny us those; you know how I am if I can’t buy almonds and oranges at all times regardless of the natural seasonal rhythms. I thought about it and I have a few ways I can help with your problem while keeping me stocked with Vitamin C and protein for years to come.

  1. Steal water
    Stealing has been around since the dawn of time, and for good reason. You want something? Simple solution: take it from someone who already has it. But don’t steal water from Canada. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but we don’t have any. Try somewhere else.
  2. Get everyone in California to cry at once
    Their tears will re-hydrate the earth. Maybe play one of those Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA commercials on an infinite loop to get everyone going.
  3. Retrace your steps
    I’m not trying to give you a hard time California, but have you really looked that hard for your water? Maybe you just misplaced it. Have you checked behind the couch, or perhaps in your other car?
  4. Encourage storm clouds to visit by giving them tax breaks on real estate
    Do you know how hard it is to afford living in your state? Give them a break. Maybe some free daycare for their children? The world is tough out there.
  5. Release all your bottled water back into the wild
    How can you expect the reproduction of water to increase if they are caged and not free range?

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