APRIL FOOLS: CLASSIFIEDS

PERSONAL SERVICES

Private beard trimming & styling appts. Are you looking to clean up your act? I have skilled hands. Whether you’re looking for a Jeff Bridges, a Mad Men-hiatus Jon Hamm or the highly requested Ryan Gosling, look no further. You deserve to invest in yourself. Beard shampooing free for first-time clients. privatetrims33@hotmail.com.

PERSONALS

Straight male, 27, seeking another hetero gentleman (25-35 y/o) for purely platonic pleasures.

Let’s discover our souls together. Hiking, biking, rock-climbing, wine-tasting, etc. Open to suggestions. I’ll bring the cigars, and you prepare for the epic adventures.

Serious inquiries only pls.

HELP WANTED

Personal assistant needed for young professional trying to distance self from technology. I need my cellphone for work but need someone to meet me at 4:30 p.m. every day to take it away and keep it safe until 8:30 a.m. next day. Start ASAP, long-term. Must be punctual and live near downtown. $5/weekly. 

john.mayer@foolsgoldmarketing.ca

MERCHANDISE FOR SALE

Imported watches: Nixon, Diesel, Toy Watch, Vestal, Seiko & more. Show yourself to be a true aesthete with the most genuine knock-offs around. Each $15 (negotiable). realwatches2182@live.com.

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