Dear LIO,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and he’s into some kinky stuff. A lot of this didn’t come out in full force until just recently, and I’m having trouble keeping up. One minute we’re making love, the next we’re fooling around with some extreme BDSM (combos of bondage, dominance, submission and masochism). I’m game for a lot of it, but there are times when I get uncomfortable. We’re both really open with our feelings, but sometimes we disagree about our desires. How to deal?

Pleaser With A Problem

If the play gets to a point where you get uncomfortable, you need to let him know. If you’re playing in the kinky end of the pool, you should already have a safe word — use it.

It sounds like he may get caught up in the moment, so be sure to clarify your boundaries before you get too tied up — emotionally, or otherwise.

Check out the Victoria BDSM community Sagacity (sagacitygroup.net) for some tips on this new frontier. They have what’s called the BDSM checklist: a four-page list of activities that you can rate based on desirability. You both complete the list and then check to see what your partner thinks is naughty and nice.

While BDSM in the bedroom sounds titillating, your boyfriend must understand that it’s a privilege and that he can only go there with your consent and co-operation.

He also needs to respect your wants for a little vanilla sex. It sounds like you two are pretty serious, so stop beating around the bush and work your kinks out.

Hello LIO, 

My friend and I take the same brand of contraceptive pill. She got pregnant after a one-night stand. She says she was taking her pills properly (no skipping). Let’s just say that shit is going down. After sitting through a session with her about her options to abort or not, I’m feeling pretty freaked out. Aren’t pills supposed to be, like, 99 per cent effective?

Paranoid Pill Popper

 Whoa, whoa, whoa — your friend had a one-night stand and didn’t use protection? Did she skip out of every safe-sex talk ever given? 

Irresponsibility aside, no form of contraception is 100 per cent safe, just like no sex is ever 100 per cent safe. 

Every time you suit up for a wrestle with the one-eyed snake, you are taking a risk. Don’t be a fool, use condoms in addition to the pill.

Jennifer Gibson, coordinator of community education services at Island Sexual Health said the pill must be taken at the same time (ideally within one to three hours of time due) every day to be 99 per cent effective — this is called perfect use.

If a woman takes the pill at different times each day, it is about 92 per cent effective — this is called typical use. So taking the pill late makes it less effective, said Gibson. That’s why using condoms in addition to the pill boosts pregnancy protection, and condoms also give some protection against STIs.

If you do take your pill late or forget one day, visit your local drug store and get an Emergency Contraceptive Pill (ECP) which is often called Plan B (no, not the night club).

Visit professionals at Island Sexual Health for the dirty details, such as windows of effectiveness. ECPs don’t offer protection against STIs, so your friend would need to continue geting tested.

You can learn more at http://islandsexualhealth.org.

Give your friend a lecture and visit the site together.