Bipolar weather ruins everything

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With summer approaching, citizens of Victoria are looking forward to warm, welcoming weather. Recently, unpredictable weather has led to confusing beach trips and cancelled picnics. Meteorological data indicates that on several occasions, the weather in Victoria has gone from sunny to dark and rainy in just an hour. 

“I just don’t get it,” said Victoria resident Jamie Erikson. “It’s like the weather can’t make up its mind. Can’t it see it’s just confusing everyone with its mixed messages? Does it think that this is a game?”

Many think the weather is simply confused, but Gary Pelk, a local meteorologist, doesn’t think so.

“Over the last few years, we have seen an increase of cycling from the Victoria weather. This cycling doesn’t match any other weather pattern in our records, and there wasn’t any reason why the weather was doing it,” said Pelk. “Through extensive observation and collaboration with local psychiatrists, we can only come up with one answer: Victoria weather is suffering from rapid cycling, Type II bipolar disorder.” 

Bipolar disorder is a mental condition in which an individual’s mind cycles between depression and mania over a period of hours, days, weeks, or months. The difference between types I and II bipolar disorder is that those who have type one may have been hospitalized due to their more extreme mood swings. 

“We’ve been able to rule out Type I because we checked the weather’s medical records and it hasn’t been hospitalized any time in the past few years for symptoms of depression or mania,” said Jonson Reid, a local psychiatrist.

According to Reid, patients who are experiencing the highs of mania (feelings of euphoria and energy) think they are fine and don’t need help, but Reid urges those experiencing severe mood swings to seek help. 

“A deep dip into depression can hurt not only yourself but those around you,” said Reid. “With the Victoria weather, we can see that it is suffering from its cycling and hurting those around it.”

Dude Dudingson, a local surfer, spoke on behalf of the local beach enthusiast club, stating, “I just wish, you know, the weather would get some help. It just changes back and forth so fast. No one wants to go to the beach with a rain jacket and an umbrella just in case. One only has so many arms to hold stuff.” Although multiple meteorologists, psychiatrists, and TV personalities like Dr. Phil have made attempts to talk to the Victoria weather, there has been no response. 

“I just can’t believe it,” said Dr. Phil. “This weather needs to pull itself together. It needs to stop living in the past and get a head start into the future for itself and its family.  Awareness without action is worthless.” 

Local authorities are trying to seek other help by getting in contact with other TV voices, ones more familiar with the aspect of bipolar disorder, such as Stephen Fry, but it is still a work in progress. 

“I just hope that eventually our weather will realize that it needs to start medication and become more stable; it’s hard on everyone to see the weather suffer.”

The Victoria weather did not comment.

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  • Ivan Marko

    brill! like something outta the onion.