Cyber Valentine’s messages from Grandma

GRANDMA:
Hi Geoffrey,
How are your studies? Hope all is well and that you’ll have company on Valentine’s Day. Miss you. Love you.
P.S. There is a girl who sings in my choir and I think you should meet her. Maybe I can bake some chocolate chip cookies and you can say you made them and give them to her?

ME:
Hi Grandma,
School is good. No complaints. No bad grades so far, but no girlfriend, either. Looks like I lost our bet on the Super Bowl. Sorry I’m a little late on getting you your $1. It’s coming.
Love, Geoff
P.S. I would love to meet the girl in your choir and take credit for your cookies.

GRANDMA:
Hey hunny, I was just wondering if you want to come over tonight.

ME:
Hi Grandma,
I’d love to, but I’ve gone back to school, remember? Maybe I’ll get to see you on reading break, though. Have you been taking your pills?
Love, Geoff

GRANDMA:
I’m just so lonely. I just want you to cum over and play with me.

ME:
Are you okay? Do you need me to call mom?
Love, Geoff

GRANDMA:
I feel so lonely these days. Been so long since anyone’s loved me. R u lonely too? Check out this link. I have a number of nude pics. Tell me if I’m sexy.
>>>>>http://69allnyte69//

ME:
Grandma! Looks like your account’s been hacked.

GRANDMA:
Hi Geoffrey,
My account is not broken, if that is what you mean by “hacked.” My email’s altogether in one piece. My AOL seems to be working just dandy. But thank you for always being so considerate.
Love, Grandma
P.S. I’m becoming quite good at surfing the World Wide Web. The choirgirl has been helping me. Did I tell you we downloaded a song by an artist called Snoop Lion the other day? And oh, have you heard of this site called youtube.com? The choirgirl and I went on to see something about a tuna casserole and we ended up watching videos of kittens for half an hour.
She’s great. She’s single, like me! She and I are going to share a duet this Sunday. After we hit the high notes together maybe I’ll show her a picture of you from my wallet.

ME:
Hi Grandma,
Yeah YouTube’s the bee’s knees. Make sure not to look at the comments sections beneath. So much trash on the Internet. As for Valentine’s Day, I don’t know. Things are shaping up. There just may be a girl.

GRANDMA:
Don’t you wish you could give her a bigger package. Naturally Huge can give your hammer inches in days. You don’t want to cum up short.

ME:
It is hacked! Grandma, you’ve got to upgrade from AOL to Gmail.

GRANDMA:
Mighty young stallion only you can satisfy me! Email your credit card # so we can meet up.

ME:
Automated or not I want you to know you’re possessing an elderly widow.

GRANDMA:
Baby, you’ve got me so moist and wet. I can’t wait to feel your hardness against me.

ME:
Okay seriously fuck you.

GRANDMA:
Geoffrey,
Watch your language! What would your grandfather say about your swearing? I know we joke and have a close relationship, but still. What are they teaching you at this “university?” I hope you are well.
Love, Grandma

ME:
Grandma,
Sorry. Your account was hacked! I was getting all these disgusting emails. It was like the sickest form of ventriloquism. Sorry about the outburst and the whole debacle. Love, Geoff

GRANDMA:
Geoffrey,
My apologies. The World Wide Web is a dangerous place. The choirgirl helped me navigate it. She apparently doesn’t have a laptop and is tired of using the library’s Internet. I let her sign up for all kinds of things while I wasn’t looking. Who knew there was such a difference between YouTube and YouPorn? Whoops! Happy Valentine’s Day.
Love, Grandma

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