Five ways to appease the midterm gods in this stressful time

1. Sacrifice goat cheese

I know they say in order to please the gods you need to sacrifice a whole, live goat, but who can come by that nowadays? Goat cheese is much cheaper, and I’m sure by the time it gets to the gods they won’t be able to tell the difference anyway.

2. Go and pay your respects at the Midterm Church

Any local Starbucks or Blenz will do.

3. Donate your time to help the less fortunate 

Your virtual Facebook farm suffers without you; be the bigger person and give your time by harvesting your grain.

4. Make sure to wear the proper religious garments come midterm time

Sweatpants and unwashed shirts are clear staples of this ritualistic time.

 5. Stock up on holy water

Red Bull comes in 10-packs now.

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