The Martlet

In l’Etang la Ville, a quiet residential suburb of Paris, France, the sky glowed in shades of blue. Birds twittered in nearby trees and late summer flowers peppered the grass. I sat around a patio table with the family I’d agreed to nanny for the next 11 months.

I’d ached to be in France again since my first trip four years prior, at the age of 15. I’d dreamed of this. So I was just as surprised as anyone else when Mr. Schmitt asked me to pass the dressing and I burst into tears, sobbing over my tossed salad.

I was homesick. I shouldn’t have been so shocked, though. Whether travelling across an ocean or just a few hours down the road, anyone can come down with the homesickness bug. It’s a common response to leaving home for the first (or second, or third) time, giving up the familiar for the unknown and parting ways with an established routine. And for students coming, or returning, to university for the first time, the feelings can be especially acute.

That first week in France, I ran through half a dozen packets of Kleenex, and a month later I wasn’t feeling much better.

“I think it’s like your first breakup,” second-year UVic student Shandi Lindt explains. “The first time you fall in love and then break up with somebody, it’s like this big, earth-shattering, life-ending thing — [just] like the first time you move away from home.”

So there I was, broken up in Europe, and running out of Kleenex. What do you do with that? If home is like an ex-boyfriend, you’d better not call him. You don’t want him back (really, you don’t). But what do you do instead? If you’re me, you start eating Nutella by the spoonful and nosing through English language bookstores for familiar titles.

It’s not that I wanted to go home, exactly. I’d left for a reason; my small Midwestern town had gotten pretty boring the last couple years. But missing home can be like missing that pseudo boyfriend from high school — the kind of cute and nerdy boy who you messed around with but never really wanted to get stuck with forever. But once he’s gone and you’re on your own, you find yourself missing him.

Lindt, a petit, soft-spoken girl who likes colourful clothes and always looks cheerful, had the same problem. She came to Victoria from the small river-valley community of Willams Lake in Northern B.C.

“I moved straight out of my mom’s house, she drove me straight here, dropped me off, and I was on my own for the first time,” Lindt recalls. “I cried when she left.”

It wasn’t that she wanted to stick around Williams Lake. And it wasn’t like Lindt was planning then, or now, to go back.

“I have moved away. There’s not a whole lot to offer in my hometown,” Lindt says. “It’ll always be home, but I don’t think I’ll want to live there again.”

The trouble with homesickness it that, just like the emotions that keep you loving that guy from high school, it doesn’t function logically.

Tricia Best, a counsellor at UVic, explains that it all comes down to what the brain knows, and what’s familiar.

“[Students] realize, this isn’t what I thought it was going to be, I am missing home — I’m missing my support system,” Best says. “Homesickness [focuses] around what feels like it’s missing.”

So if what’s missing is a place you don’t want to go back to, you miss it regardless of the fact that you chose to leave in the first place. And on a day when you’ve received five new homework assignments, burned dinner and set off the smoke alarm, missed a call from your best friend in Ontario and spilled bleach on your best jeans, of course you’ll want to run screaming out of the dorm and back to wherever you came from — the grass was always greener back in the day.

This was true for me in France, missing a hometown where one movie theatre and a bowling alley constituted the local entertainment options. Still, it was also the place where I’d left my family, my mom’s cooking and my little brother’s snide but affectionate remarks. Now I inhabited a place where all the cars were funny shapes and sizes, the eggs were runny and I was lucky to understand one word in five.

Living in Victoria, Lindt missed her old job at the movie theatre — the place she had worked for six years and knew absolutely everyone. She had an established routine there; she had established familiarity. Lindt wasn’t interested in chatting to strangers about her woes, so she did what she could to keep herself busy.

“I just did a lot of reading and studying and distracting myself,” she says.

So where does this leave the homesick? The good news here in Victoria, and at UVic, is that there are plenty of opportunities to keep busy. As Lindt found, part of combating the affliction is to stay occupied. And one of the best remedies for homesickness is simply to do — and do just about anything. Once that new place gets more familiar, it gets more comfortable.

Consider the hobbies and interests you pursued back home, and seek out the resources that will let you recapture those in your new place.

Best reminds that it’s important to meet people in order to build a community for yourself. Is there a direct correlation between knowing people and feeling at home somewhere?

“Definitely,” says Lindt, “and I’m not even a very social person.”

It can be difficult to meet people, even in a crowded university, even living in res, but it’s worth the effort and the time it takes.

“There are lots of resources here at UVic — lots of them,” says Best. “It’s just a matter of asking for help and reaching out a little bit, and [also] knowing that we’re here. Our whole role here in counselling is to support students.”

There’s plenty going on around campus, though Best even suggests one specific upcoming event for students.

“At the end of this month we’re going to have a student leadership conference,” Best says. “A lot of what it’s about is bringing students together on campus.”

The conference is open to the entire university, and will involve a network fair to learn about organizations both on and off campus, as well as a sustainability feast.

Best also notes that UVic’s Peer Helping organization is an excellent resource for students who are homesick or just need to talk with someone — not to mention those who feel ready to help others.

In addition to social interaction, Best stresses the need to take care of yourself.

“Keeping healthy is an important component to dealing with homesickness,” she says. That includes eating right and getting enough sleep and exercise. “[There are] healthy foundations that we need to be able to cope with any situation… if these things are in place then you can build on that.”

Two months after my arrival in France, I felt reasonably stable. When pangs of homesickness returned off and on, I was better equipped to deal with them; I’d made friends, built some familiarity with the area and established a routine. Plus I’d stopped eating entire jars of Nutella and reintroduced myself to large portions of fruits and vegetables. By the time I moved to Victoria for university, still 2,000 miles from my hometown, I was fully able to deal with the occasional scraps of homesickness that poked their heads through the door.

Just like the old high school flame who gradually fades from memory (what colour were his eyes — grey-blue?) the pangs for home subside in time. As Best says, it’s important to remember to give yourself enough time to get comfortable in your new place. Getting through these tough times builds that “character” stuff that parents like to talk about, which goes a long way toward making the next big change a little easier — or at least a little less agonizing.

How to Combat Homesickness

TALK TO PEOPLE Make friends, find people to talk to, build yourself a community. This will give you a way to discuss how you’re feeling, and being part of a community is a huge step on the road to feeling at home in a new place.

STAY BUSY It’s harder to feel homesick when you’re busy doing things. It’s also a great way to meet people and make friends.

PURSUE OLD HOBBIES What did you enjoy doing at home? Sports, arts, reading? Try incorporating these activities in your new life.

STAY HEALTHY Maintain a balanced diet, exercise and get enough sleep. Keeping yourself in good physical health provides a strong foundation to cope with all new stresses and anxiety.

BE PREPARED If you’re moving away from home for the first time, don’t be surprised or embarrassed when homesickness strikes. This is normal. Eventually, it will pass.

Resources at UVic

COUNSELLING SERVICES Free of charge for all UVic students, trained professionals are ready to help you with personal or academic issues. Call 250-721-8341, or visit coun.uvic.ca.

PEER HELPING Fellow students are trained to offer counselling on a variety of issues at their drop-in centre. Peer Helping also participates in a variety of outreach programs, public awareness activities and events. Visit them in the Student Union Building, Room B005, or online: peerhelping.uvic.ca.

STUDENT TRANSITION CENTRE The Student Transition Centre holds conferences, workshops and activities for new and continuing students. They are located in the SUB, Room B010, and online uvic.ca/transition.

2009 STUDENT LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE Student and Ancillary Services will be holding this conference at the end of January to discuss sustainability and leadership at home and in the community. Opportunities for mingling and meeting new people combine with a sustainable feast held at 5 p.m. on Saturday, Jan. 31.