The Martlet

Awards season has come, and with it, an undeniable envy for  runway-worthy fashion.

The awards are supposed to be what the night is about, but sometimes it’s the dresses that cause chatter the following day. Exhibit A: Maggie Gyllenhall’s dress at the Golden Globes. I’m still not sure how I feel about it.

The best part is that for every amazingly styled celebrity slinking across the red carpet, there is a devastatingly awful one grasping for fame via the edge of a reporter’s camera.

Yes, there she is, in that hideously over-accessorized gown that makes her look average-size, as opposed to star-size. If only she wasn’t being interviewed by Ryan Seacrest — how is that guy famous anyway?

It feels like some kind of high school reunion, where you see people you haven’t seen in a while and wonder who is pregnant, who is married, who grew facial hair or who had unfortunate cosmetic surgery done.

Then the inevitable question arises: who are you wearing?

I wonder if anyone makes it up. Sometimes a washed-up celebrity you haven’t seen in 15 years will say, “Vintage Valentino.”

But really?

These people never have to elaborate on their lie because a real celebrity just arrived and is shuffled along to the next microphone.

Sometimes I wonder if these mock-stars even have tickets to the event. You never see any of the forgotten ones inside because who is going to care what Pauly Shore’s reaction to “Best Actor in a supporting roll” is?

People have been fairly risky so far in their fashion choices, from Renée Zellweger’s suggestively-revealing Carolina Herrera ensemble, to J-Lo’s “I can’t believe you had twins” suggestion of a dress.

Whether you love it or hate it, these garments are the ones to watch for. I don’t care how beautiful anyone looks in a strapless gown — I want to see something exciting.

The entire awards season puts my closet in a harsh perspective.  Instead of sequined gowns and plunging necklines, I am treated to wool sweaters and faded denim — hardly an equivalent. Fantasies will have to do, I think, as I yank whatever is closest to me off its hanger.

During this season of celebrity celebrations, indulge in daydreams of red carpets, golden statues and glamorous gowns as you trudge to class bundled up in something to take off the wind chill.