The Martlet

Did Michael Cera get “Knights of the Round” in Final Fantasy VII?

We’re not sure.

Regardless, he is one of many figures responsible for the ever-increasing popularity of the faux geek. And in turn he has come to help represent the second phase of oppression for true geeks.

But wait, let’s back-track; geeks started off as outcasts. Then we watched from the shadows as comic books, video games, computers, science fiction — all our obscure passions — crept into the spotlight.

And for a time, it was good.

Mild to severe social-awkwardness, graphic tees, and scratch-the-surface- knowledge of Star Wars and Super Nintendo are the new cool.

Many of us have dreamed since childhood of a world where announcing a love of things like Star Trek and Apple computers could make a girl giggle, or even hold up in a conversation on a date. Not to mention more important things like the barrage of comic book movies or remakes and adaptations of everything nostalgic and nice. It’s no longer a question of whether or not a classic cartoon or comic will be made into a movie, but more like, who’s directing it (and more importanty,the casting). We are living in a time where comic books are getting signed as high-budget movies before even a few issues are written (see Mark Millar’s Nemesis). We no longer need to lie about going to comicons.

Yet, something isn’t right.

Us geeks are still bound to the shadows, trapped in limbo, disappointed by the degradation and exploitation of our childhood interests.

Really, the true geeks are at fault. Well, sort of. Maybe. Geeks spend a lot of money. Usually on like, kind of useless things. Next-gen systems cost a lot of money when purchased at their release. DVD box sets, graphic novels, toys/figurines are costly must-haves. We’d go out of our way to get our hands on these items, yet, now they are being hand-fed to us. It seems that geeky culture has been influential enough to garner attention. The entertainment industry has recognized how lucrative this can be.

But none of this is really a problem. It’s still kind of awesome. Maybe we’re just in a rut. Yeah, that’s probably it. Or maybe the entertainment industry has just made being uncool cool enough that now it’s hard to tell the dfference. Here’s a few key points we’ve noticed.

Signs of a true geek:

• Owns at least one cut of Blade Runner (probably director’s cut)
• Knows that Wolverine had bone claws before adamantium
• Firmly believes that Han Solo shot first (obviously)
• Will pay $9 — $14.75 to see most comic book movies and hate 89 per cent of them (i.e. Elektra, Spiderman 3, X-men 3, Daredevil, Avatar: The Last Airbender) -Understands that Final Fantasy II is actually IV, and Final Fantasy III is actually VI
• Probably had a geocities or angelfire personal website
• Likely owns at least one bladed weapon (probably a movie replica katana or at least something cool of Japanese origin)

Signs of a faux geek: - Recently bought a vintage looking T-shirt from Urban Outfitters (probably of an NES game they recently purchased on their Wii online) - Doesn’t understand that Hotmail isn’t okay anymore - Says, “yeah, I’m kind of a geek” frequently in social situations - Most of their graphic novels will say “now a major motion picture” on the top of the cover