The Martlet

I am a student of political philosophy and there are times when I step back and wonder: “what was the point of all that?”

I will admit, in terms of practical value, a focus in political philosophy is about as relevant as a picture of a steak to a starving vegetarian. But there are times (few and far between, mind you) when the great thinkings of 300 years ago helps with the quandaries of today.

Immanuel Kant, for example, probably the most important abridgement between rationalist and empiricist thought, was a dating expert.

The audacity of this claim is astounding. He was a man who never married, lived a highly regimented life and even had his hands bound every night to prevent him from treating himself as mere means.

So what could this philosopher teach anyone about relationships, sex and love, considering he didn’t even use the facilities? Turns out, the answer is quite a bit.

In Perpetual Peace (1795), Kant laid out a treatise that he thought, if followed correctly, would lead to security, liberty and peace between nations.

“Whoop-dee-do, what does it all mean?” you ask.

Consider some of Kant’s definite articles from the perspective of relationships, rather than interstate relations:

1. No secret treaty of peace shall be held valid in which there is tacitly reserved matter for a future war. We’ve all had relationships where one person was lying, or at least keeping secrets.

Perhaps what Kant means is that the solemnity of a peaceful relationship must not be reserved or compromised. If we do give ourselves to another person, we must mean it wholeheartedly, or else why bother?

1. No independent states, large or small, shall come under the dominion of another state by inheritance, exchange, purchase, or donation. Mail-order brides/husbands are generally not a good idea when looking for true love.

2. Standing armies shall, in time, be totally abolished. Open yourself up to other people. You might be surprised at how approachable they are.

3. No state shall by force interfere with the constitution or government of another state. Don’t mess with your love interest’s thought process. Give them space.

4. No state shall, during war, permit such acts of hostility which would make mutual confidence in the subsequent peace impossible. Never burn bridges. There are a lot of fish in the sea, indeed.

If you get caught up on that special someone and it doesn’t immediately work out, don’t panic; people and feelings change. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. If not, then move on amicably.

Next consider his Definitive Articles (otherwise known as the key ingredients).

1. The civil constitution of every state should be republican. By this, Kant meant that the executive should be separated from the legislative, so that the sovereign would more likely obey the will of the majority.

It is never good to harbour inner conflict, because these things tend to surface in pathetic and hilarious ways. If you are to act during a relationship and you believe other people would obey the same law (think categorical imperative, but in your pants), you’re probably acting in the right.

If you are trying to justify what is commonly agreed to as poor behaviour, then your executive is not listening to the legislative.

1. The law of nations shall be founded on a federation of free states. As we all clearly understand today, behaviour is a construct of value systems and is subject to the popular behaviour of the masses. People have very little regard for morality, unless immorality affects them personally.

That said, laws of people, as they pertain to a group of free people, must be regarded with some value in themselves.

The second definitive article is not as sound when used as a template for behaviour in relationships. Relationships, good ones anyways, demand much more than laws derived from common, free behaviour, which is probably why so many people end up divorced.

1. The law of world citizenship shall be limited to conditions of universal hospitality. It is impossible to make a move when the condition of universal hospitality doesn’t exist.

That feeling of awkwardness upon making a move is usually because the other person is not hospitable. If mutual respect is not there, back away.

And there you have it: love advice from Doctor Love himself.