The Martlet

I was on my way home, walking through downtown Victoria, when a leaf was blown into my face.

What a peculiar situation. I quickly checked my windsock and my suspicions were confirmed: it was not windy.

My question then arose: why are leaves now residing in my face? I looked to my right and saw the early morning creature responsible for my situation. The creature was half man, and half leaf-blower. His face sported a thick, black moustache, and his unappealing clothing could have only been purchased at Value Village.

He glanced over at me. His face was completely emotionless. He said nothing, and leaves continued to be launched mercilessly into the air.

I passed the man and his leaves, but I looked back to analyze the situation.

One leaf had been blown, but had avoided the full blunt force of the leaf-blower and remained in close proximity to the man. The fugitive leaf then wiggled on the ground as if to say to the man, “Ah ha! You have slightly displaced me, and although that is somewhat inconvenient, I do remain in downtown Victoria!”

The greasy man looked over and saw the leaf taunting him. Immediately the man turned to the leaf and violently blew it.

As the leaf regained its composure in its new-found location, it wiggled once again and flapped at the man. I could picture it saying, “You have now displaced me twice, and yet still I remain downtown! It almost seems that no matter how hard and violently you blow me, you will never actually be able to remove me from the downtown area!”

The man, now annoyed at the rebellious leaf, began to storm over.

I yelled from across the street, “Oh no! Could that man actually displace that leaf not once, not twice, but three times? The humanity!”

Luckily, my cries did not go unnoticed. Before the man could unleash his unadulterated blowing powers on the innocent little leaf, a bus drove by at full speed, which launched all the leafs that had previously been blown onto the road back to their original places on the sidewalk.

The man stood there baffled. It was almost as if all the work he had done in the previous half-hour was completely and utterly useless. This incredible epiphany was quickly ignored as the man remembered that his job wasn’t to make life-changing realizations. His job was to blow things.

Situations like this are common in the leaf-blowing community. I’ve witnessed two men with leaf-blowers on the same block. Each is determined to move the majority of the leaves onto the neighbour’s property. As the two men stare and shoot leaves at each other, they soon realize that they are both thinking the same thing: “This would be much quicker if we had vacuum cleaners.”

Nevertheless, I remain perplexed. It’s hard to believe that this is how some people make a living.