The Martlet

All of us at one time or another have had a less-than-satisfying escapade in the bedroom.

I will risk controversy by suggesting that more heterosexual women than men have experienced this disappointment.

From my personal adventures and those of my friends, the female orgasm is a rare phenomenon, even amongst us feistier individuals.

How is this so, considering our “sexually liberated” (or sexually desensitised) generation? When it comes down to it, why is it so damn hard to get a woman off?

During a discussion with one of my friends, I brought up the fact that vaginal orgasm is almost impossible to achieve. To my surprise, she was surprised. She, like seemingly every woman out there, was of the impression that something was just wrong with her since it hadn’t happened for her yet.

Renowned sexpert Sue Johanson might be one of the few people in Canada who knows that the clitoris is the centre of female pleasure and orgasm (the image of her stroking the air Sunday nights while I sat in my basement with my nose pressed against the TV will never fade from my memory).

Anatomists would actually use the word “analogous” to describe the clit’s relationship to the head of the penis. They’re different versions of the same thing.

As I write this, I can imagine guys (and maybe some girls) everywhere screaming “G-spot!” right about now.

Just try achieving that kind of pleasure without stimulating the clit. Go ahead, try.

So — let’s think about this for a second. The vagina has hardly any sensation. The clitoris packs quite the punch comparably. They’re right next door to each other, and yet the wrong part is receiving all of the attention.

How hard would it be to shift that focus?

Well, it seems to be a mountainous task, probably because even so many women don’t know this information. Instead, ignorance encourages them to let men jack-hammer away to fake orgasms, and no one experiences any genuine, powerful, mind-blowing pleasure.

Oh, wait a second; the guys do. Or at least they think they do.

So are most women being denied their share of pleasure?

A man might argue that a woman’s potential for multiple orgasms makes up for it, but I’d say that’s putting too many eggs in one basket — most of these happen in porn, romance novels and film, and are not being caused simply by a guy pumping away on her.

And that argument doesn’t stand up, since both sexes are capable. (Practice the art of meditation, combine it with masturbating and just try not to get too messy while having the best time of your life.)

I guess my point is that if we really want to liberate our sexuality, we have to question it and be ready to try new things. Get to know your bodies, women; get to know your women, men.

Don’t be afraid to tell him what to do — don’t be afraid to ask her what she likes. Open the doors of communication and let the orgasms flow.