The Martlet

Last week the Martlet tried out a cross-section of sex toys (most provided by locally owned and operated at-home sex toy company JoyToy) to find out just what tickled people the right (and wrong) ways.

This week the mission carries on with a list of tantalizing sex treats that don’t always turn out the way you’d expect, along with vivacious vibrators, safety tips and tips for finding low-cost play things.

Annabelle Harrington, owner and operator of Victoria’s JoyToy, says the key to picking the right sex toy is finding out what you’re comfortable with.

“The biggest thing we try to do is provide a safe and comfortable atmosphere to try products,” Harrington says. “We want people to have the opportunity to see if it is for them.”

Prices for most toys range from $15 to $150, though there are always ways to cut costs (see “The 99-cent solution”). To save your time, and your wallet, check out the following staff reviews to find out what’s good this sexy season.

And as Harrington says, remember the motto for any enjoyable sex play: “have fun, be safe and stay informed.”

To check out the JoyToy range of goods yourself, or host your own private sex toy party, contact Annabelle Harrington at 250-882-1010, or visit joytoyproducts.com. UVic students get a 10 per cent discount on all individual purchases.

Kama Sutra Pleasures

As a woman with a male partner in a more-then-serious relationship, I’ve never wanted to bring anything into the bedroom aside from love and bare bottoms.

For the sake of experimentation, my partner and I decided to try a few low-key bedroom tune ups: Kama Sutra “oil of love” vanilla crème, Kama Sutra “pleasure balm” tangerines and cream and the Screaming O Bullets mini-vibrator.

We decided that vanilla, tangerine and cream sound yummy not scary, and laughed about the Screaming O — a yellow mechanical object that looked more like a highlighter then anything sexy.

To my horror, my partner ripped open the package to the vibrator and turned it on. My first words: “Ew, why does it [the vibrations] have to be so strong?” Important note: instead of using it sexually, we took turns holding it against our earlobes, noses, throats and foreheads, then finally let my cat take a turn batting it around on the floor.

Several nights later, I was rubbing my partner’s back when he suggested that we try our new massage oil and cream. The oil of love sounded good with its warming sensation and vanilla scent, but the warning to use externally only (hey, you never know where a massage can go) seemed disturbing. The pleasure balm gel smelled of anything but tangerine — more of an antacid aroma. Its final turn-off was the warning: “may cause irritation in sensitive areas.”

In the end, I wound up with one totally useless product, a vanilla-scented air freshener, and a cat toy. But I’ve still got the greatest sex toy of all: my man. Hey, we didn’t get this far on nothing.

Fukuoko 9000 Vibrator

Both my boyfriend and I were sex toy virgins before we tried the “Fukuoku 9000.” This little vibrator slides onto your finger and pulsates near the fingertip, so you can use it “anywhere your fingers can go,” according to the package.

I first tried it by myself, which was okay because I could control the pressure and speed. When I tried it with my boyfriend, however, it was a little awkward. I would say that we’re both fairly sexual people and are open to new things, but bringing a vibrator into the mix didn’t have the effect I was looking for.

He was uncomfortable, and even though he was using his hands in conjunction with the vibrator, he still wasn’t really sure what to do and kept asking for direction (which isn’t always a bad thing). After a while, we both relaxed and were able to enjoy it, but after that one time he expressed that he didn’t really want to try it again.

I think we’ll stick to manual and oral — for now, anyway.

Fukuoku Massage Glove

One hundred bucks for a vibrating massage glove may seem pricey — especially with the Michael Jackson feel that comes with wearing it — but this toy is worth every penny.

The “Fukuoku Waterproof Massage Glove” feels amazing, even for completely innocent massages. It’s also quiet enough, although if you put it near your ears it sounds like a swarm of bees. But best of all, the glove is washable. Basically, it can be used anywhere — as I discovered when I got it home to the privacy of my bedroom.

Put it on and masturbate as normal? Fantastic. Just be sure to try it up, down and all around.

Once I had played with it alone for a while, I had a partner join in. I started off by stroking his penis, his balls and the surrounding area. Tired of handjobs that last way too long? Just use the glove. I actually had to take it away so he didn’t cum too quickly — another amazing side affect.

I also used it on my partner anally (with protection, despite it’s washability). Introduce a boy to vibrations on his prostate, and he’ll think he’s in sex-toy heaven.

Basically, I love the glove, he loves the glove, and I’m pretty sure you’ll love the glove too.

Ultra 10 Remote-Control Bullet

What first appealed to me about the “Ultra 10 Remote Control Bullet” was that it was, well, remote controlled — and wireless, too.

I could just imagine the possibilities.

I brought the bullet (and a friend) home, and we tried it out.

I went upstairs to put it on — er, in. It can be set in underwear, against the clit, or put inside of you.

But be warned: this bullet is pretty big, so without the appropriate warm-up it could be less than comfortable.

Oh, and be careful — the cord used to pull it out breaks easily, as we later discovered. Since we were sharing, I also put the bullet inside a condom.

Before I came down the stairs and before I even made it back to my bedroom — VMMMMMMMMMMM.

And as someone walked in the room to say something — VMMMMMMM.

It felt nice; it felt naughty. Apart from the pleasure derived from the vibrations, the bullet also offers some play in power dynamics.

Whoever has the remote has the power, and that can be fun (or scary, if you’re in the grocery store).

It also works fantastically as a solo toy or as foreplay because it has 10 speeds.

My batteries lasted a considerable amount of time, considering the use the toy was getting.