The Martlet

Nine months ago, on a cold Calgary night, I awoke suddenly to a steady, rushing hiss. I sprang from the bed and began to search my room for the cause of the puzzling noise. Finding nothing, I stumbled down the hall to the bathroom to check the toilet, then downstairs to check the refrigerator. I even checked the furnace.

I realized, growing frustrated, I couldn’t tell where the noise was coming from. I plugged my ears. To my horror, the sound remained at the same volume. It was coming from inside my head.

The sound of silence

I rushed to my laptop. It only took a minute. In true 21st-century fashion, I self diagnosed myself with tinnitus via Wikipedia with the following description: “the perception of sound within the human ear in the absence of corresponding external sound.”

It was comforting to know that I probably wasn’t going deaf. However, I was disturbed to read tinnitus is usually permanent and irreversible. That night I slept with a loud fan on to mask the noise.

I woke up day after day to no improvement. My hope that the tinnitus would go away was fading fast. The hardest time was at night. The terrible sensation made it very difficult to fall asleep. I would sit up in bed on my laptop, researching tinnitus into the early hours.

On the Tinnitus Association of Canada website, I found out common causes include hearing loss, exposure to loud noise, a blow to the head and stress. Also, everyone experiences tinnitus differently. It can be constant or intermittent. People have reported sounds ranging from ringing to sizzling, to chirping, to buzzing and many more.

I read that, if you are experiencing tinnitus, you should go see an audiologist to make sure it is not being caused by a serious health problem, such as a brain tumor. I made the appointment.

At the audiologist’s office I was put into a sound-proof chamber and given headphones to wear. The auditory deprivation made my tinnitus more noticeable. By this point the sound had fluctuated. It now resonated in my ears as a high-pitched metallic ting.

Through the headphones, a hearing test was administered. I thought I was doing quite well, but it seemed I missed a couple of the higher frequencies near the end. That day, I was diagnosed with minor hearing loss. For my tinnitus to have been caused by anything else would be unlikely.

Louder and louder

I was only 24 — how could I have hearing loss?

It all came rushing back. There was that friend who prided himself on having the loudest car stereo, pounding the same four lousy rap songs every day at ear-shattering volumes. There were all the loud concerts. I also recalled standing right next to the speakers at raves to really “feel” the base.

My ears were still ringing the day after I saw Metallica, and that was the first of many heavy metal shows. More recently, Neil Young had blown my head off.

All that time on the cell phone turned up to full volume. How about mowing the lawn with my iPod turned up loud enough to drown out the hum of the blade? The list went on. I had taken my hearing for granted.

“I think it’s just ignorance. I don’t hold it against people, or judge anyone for it, it’s just that people don’t know the long-term effects of it,” says Dr. Erin Wright of people who abuse their hearing.

Wright has a doctorate in audiology, and has worked in the field for 10 years. She operates the Broadmead Hearing Clinic in Victoria, conducting hearing test, tinnitus evaluations and supplying hearing aids.

Wright says no one is sure about the true origin of tinnitus, but that of the people who have noise-related hearing loss, 90 per cent of them do have tinnitus. One popular theory involves the functioning of the outer hair cells in the inner ear. Wright says these microscopic cells receive sound and transmit it to the brain, but also can generate sound.

“With noise exposure, the hair cells will bend down to protect themselves then bounce back up,” she says. “Prolonged noise exposure will flatten and damage those cells.”

Wright says that many doctors think the damaged hair cells are the site of lesion for tinnitus. But there are other theories.

“If you have hearing loss, there are certain parts of the brain that aren’t receiving sound anymore, so it turns up its sensitivity looking for it, and other people believe that is a cause of tinnitus,” she says.

While tinnitus remains somewhat of a mystery, hearing loss is well understood. It is caused by prolonged exposure to loud noise.

“It’s a cumulative effect,” says Wright. “You might damage some of your high frequency hair cells and not have any noticeable effect, but if you continue to do that and have more and more damage overtime, then eventually you will start to notice hearing loss.”

Wright says when you leave a loud concert with ringing in your ears you are experiencing a temporary threshold shift: your hair cells have pulled down to protect themselves.

“When you leave that environment, your hair cells are still down low, so your actual hearing is reduced,” she says.

Though your hearing will eventually return to normal, Wright says you have likely done some damage.

Regrets above 85 decibels

According to the National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health, a safe level of sound is 85 decibels and under. A rock concert is about 109 decibels. The institute says the maximum time of exposure to that level of noise in a 24 hour period, without doing damage, is two minutes.

Loud music can be damaging, but it is also a cultural vice that isn’t going away. For some people, it is an integral part of life. Tony Di Gregorio is 42, and lives in Victoria. He is a thin man with dark hair and glasses, and looks young for his age. A classically trained guitar player, he has played in organized bands and ensembles for over 20 years.

Di Gregorio’s tinnitus began in the summer of 2004. He was in Vancouver preparing for a show with a rock band he had been rehearsing with for years. After one rehearsal, his ears were ringing. He says this was typical.

“Your ears would be ringing, and then the next day it would be gone,” Di Gregorio says.

When Di Gregorio awoke the next morning, the ringing remained and persisted still the next night. He asked his band mates about it, but none of them had experienced anything out of the ordinary. His tinnitus has been consistent ever since.

“It sounds like a light bulb dimmer switch when it’s turned down half way, you’ll get that humming from the lights,” he says.

Di Gregorio says at first the tinnitus was “very uncomfortable and very disturbing.” However, he has managed to adjust.

“I’ve had to assimilate that sound with everything I know, it’s the guitar chord and that sound, when I’m listening to music I notice it,” he says. “I notice what I can’t hear anymore.”

Tinnitus has also changed the way Di Gregorio thinks about loud music.

“If I’m in control, I will really prefer that the music is not as loud,” he says, adding that he’s been to many “punishing” shows. “There’s no reason why the music has to be so loud in those venues. Man, I would go to shows, everybody would be in pain; you could see it in their faces.”

Di Gregorio says he doesn’t want his tinnitus to get any worse. He has been fitted for musician ear plugs to protect himself, though he doesn’t always use them.

“It’s almost like an alcoholic taking a drink — it’s an indulgence and an addictive part of my life that I’ve dealt with mostly, but every now and then I fall off the wagon,” Di Gregorio says. “I don’t know how I can give up something that’s been a personal, spiritual, professional part of my life.”

Di Gregorio says it can be frustrating talking to people about tinnitus, but adds that he is trying to bring awareness in his own circle, and for the kids he teaches guitar to.

“I have to live with this regret, you know. It’s an odd disability, in a way, because it’s not overt, its not something people notice,” he says. “Most people don’t even know the word, let alone the sensation. I guess I’ve taken for granted what I shouldn’t have. I know that I will never have quiet moments. I’ve kind of been robbed of silence.”

Genetics, limbic system and stress

Not everyone who lives with tinnitus has abused their hearing.

Bridget McGowan is a 29-year-old fourth-year sociology student at UVic, whose tinnitus has come and gone over the last four years.

“My mom has it, so maybe its genetic, but I’ve always been really good taking care of my hearing,” she says.

Since noticing her tinnitus, McGowan has been even more careful with her hearing.

“Every time it gets a little too loud at a show or on the bus or anything [I protect myself],” she says. “I’ve got earplugs everywhere; I’ve got them in my pocket, in my backpack, I’ve got bags of them at home.”

McGowan says her tinnitus sounds like a radio station out of range, “the way it fades in and out.”

“The worst is when I’m so stressed and I have so much work to do, and I’m lying in bed at night and trying not to think of all the stuff I have to do, yet I have this stupid ringing in my ear,” she says.

The link to stress is something I have noticed in my own experience. My tinnitus bothers me most during times of emotional upheaval. Sometimes, it even flares up during especially boring academic reading.

Wright says there is a scientific explanation for the stress connection.

“Tinnitus responds to your limbic system, which is your fight-or-flight system,” she explains. “The more depressed and anxious you get, the louder your tinnitus is going to get.”

Wright says that in cases where tinnitus itself is responsible for depression and anxiety this can be a “vicious circle.” Wright has also seen a link between the attitude of a patient and their experience of tinnitus.

“People who are super laid back and really relaxed in general, even if they have it they are not bothered by it. But the more uptight and anxious somebody is, the more it’s just exacerbated in their life,” she says.

I can relate to this. When I first started to experience tinnitus, I resisted it with all of my being. It was a difficult, distressing experience. I couldn’t sleep without a fan on. I could hardly concentrate when I read. It seemed as if life would never be the same.

Hypnotherapy and coming to terms

I scoured the Internet for a non-existent cure. There were all sorts of overtly sketchy web sites claiming that their product was the answer. I read that, in some cases, meditation can help.

The recommended treatment that appealed to me most was hypnotherapy.

I found a practitioner in my area and made an appointment.

I will never know how much hypnotherapy helped my condition. I chose to end the treatment early.

I was feeling weird about doing visualizations with pink dolphins and glowing orbs, plus I found a copy of The Secret on my therapist’s desk. It was also expensive at $150 a session. Looking back, it must have helped with my stress — being hypnotized is very relaxing.

One of the most interesting things that happened with my hypnotherapist was a past regression. She took me back to my time working at the rubber shingle factory. It was a dark time in my life. The safety standards at the factory were deplorable. I would spend hours cutting strips out of industrial cardboard boxes to use as packing material.

While hypnotized, I remembered one day when I was on the saw. One of the older guys at the factory rushed over and grabbed me.

“What the hell are you doing?” he yelled. “Wear ear protection or one day your hearing is going to be fucked like mine!”

Over time, my tinnitus has bothered me less and less. I now completely accept it. While it is always there, I have managed to integrate it into my experience of reality. This has been a result of time and introspection.

I don’t even need to mask or ignore my tinnitus anymore. In fact, I play close attention to it and use it to monitor my stress levels. Some nights it even signs me to sleep.

The diagnosis was the end of my young man invincibility, but a lesson I needed to learn.

I now view my hearing as a non-renewable resource. I hardly ever use headphones. I listen to music in the car at a lower volume. I will never mow the lawn without earplugs again.

However, loud music is one of the reasons I love life. I still go to live shows, and I still have an awesome time. I tried wearing earplugs, but I always end up pulling them out when I love the music.

I try not to dance next to the speakers at clubs. Sometimes, if I’m not feeling the tunes, I decide it’s not worth it and leave.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you have to abuse your hearing wisely.