The Martlet

Let’s get this out of the way right off the bat: Twitter is stupid.

Even at its best it’s just another way to waste your life while reading about the lives of others. At its worst, this inane website plays on our most self-indulgent, voyeuristic and vain attributes.

We may feel more connected or more on top of goings-on, it may occupy us for hours at a time and it may provide us with endless info on celebrities and the those around us, but there’s no denying Twitter is usurping all of our time.

Imagine if everyone you knew took turns sending you text messages at all hours of the day — if it’s under 140 characters, it can’t be that insightful, and your buddies aren’t exactly Dostoyevsky, anyway.

The problem is, You spend enough time on the computer already. People are so busy telling everybody what they’re up to, that they’re not taking time to just experience it.

Imagine if you went to Woodstock, and all you did was post things like: “Jimmi Hendrix so awesome!” “Anyone know where the bathrooms are?” “Soooo high on acid right now.”

Or you’re in hot yoga: “Whoah SO steamy in here.” “Breathe in, breathe out.” “LOVE LOVE LOVE reaching inner peace, guys.”

Politicians, celebrities, bands, marketing agencies — they all use Twitter. Even pornography companies have begun proliferating the site, inundating users with spam and attempting to lure in followers with titillating profile pictures.

In fact, Business Week recently ran an article in which they interviewed 18 CEOs on how they use Twitter to power their business. You can’t blame them; according to Quantcast.com, Twitter reaches 27 million people per month in the U.S. alone.

Research by Sysomos Inc. shows that 72.5 per cent of users signed up this year; 19.7 per cent of those were in April alone when Ashton Kutcher (@aplusk) went head-to-head with CNN for one million followers and Oprah Winfrey posted her first tweet.

However, a closer look reveals some telling facts.

According to Pear Analytics, a U.S. marketing firm that has studied Twitter, the breakdown of tweets includes the following: “news” makes up 3.60 per cent, while the category labeled “pointless babble” takes up 40.55 per cent.

While some may think Twitter is nothing but a harmless fad, the facts are a little more frightening. A recent study by Tracy Alloway of the University of Sterling in Scotland proved that while pursuits like Facebook and Sudoku enhanced working memory, Twitter actually diminishes it.

Alloway, who has studied working memory extensively, believes the act of tweeting is far more critical to happiness than to intelligence. She found that the instant nature of texting, Twitter and Youtube was not healthy for developing children or adults.

“Your attention span is being reduced and you’re not engaging your brain and improving nerve connections,” she said.

So while you may love devouring the day-to-day moments of Lauren Conrad, maybe you should think twice next time you’re tempted to lose yourself in the minutiae of the masses.