The Martlet

Katy Perry
Teenage Dream
Capitol Records

CDs shouldn’t be scented – especially not cotton candy-scented. Yet that is precisely what one whiffs when first unwrapping Teenage Dream, the latest by pop princess Katy Perry.

Her label, Capitol Records, has taken packaging to the extreme, giving the cardboard CD glove an imitation cotton candy smell, which is more reminiscent of a Strawberry Shortcake doll than a county fair.

Too bad Perry’s songs are not so deliciously sweet.

Perry’s syrupy lyrics project an innocent nature that is contradicted by the appearance of her nude figure on the album’s cover. Underneath the sugary façade, Teenage Dream leaves only the bitter aftertaste of cliché. With her uninspired lyrics and mediocre vocals, Perry’s Dream fast becomes a nightmare.

On this, Perry’s third album, the California Gurl [sic] has gone skank. Although Perry has said that she doesn’t ever want to be “trashy,” that’s precisely what she’s become thanks to songs like “Peacock” when she sings the refrain “I wanna see your peacock, -cock, -cock.”

Subtle, isn’t it?

The title track, “Teenage Dream,” is about, well I’m not really sure. Something about how fun sex is only for teenagers, I think.

The bulk of the album follows the formula of mainstream pop drivel. Perry’s occasional attempts to be profound, as in “Who Am I Living For?” fall apart from trite lyrics such as “this test is my own cross to bare,” and “I can see the writing on the wall,” and some nonsense about a Phoenix.

Now, I like trashy female pop singers as much as the next person. Like Ke$ha – I love Ke$ha. Imagine if Ke$ha released a scented CD. What would that smell like?

My guess is it sure as wouldn’t smell like cotton candy. Probably more like Jack Daniels and stale cigarettes.

The point is that, unlike Perry, Ke$ha knows she’s trashy and it shows in her music. She owns her lack of class.

Maybe if Perry could admit who she is, it would reflect in her music and Teenage Dream would not need to rely on cotton candy novelties to attract sales.