A-List: Oh boy, it’s sunny

A-List Humour

In case my sarcastic tone did not come across in the headline, let me explain. I do not like summer. It is filled with uncomfortable, hot weather and requires showing off more flesh than I am comfortable with. For a little insight into my thoughts, allow me to share with you “The Wilhelm Scale of Temperature.”

−273.15°C  Absolute Zero
 . . .

−273.14 to −10°C  Death of Cold
I do not plan on setting foot in such a harsh environment for fear of frostbite-ification, unless a Klondike bar is involved.

−9 to 0°C  Winter Day
This has the making of a nice winter day indoors: cosy warm fire, cookies and cuddling your shmootzypooh.

1 to 10°C  Mild Chill
Make some room in the fridge for more beer; the milk will be fine on the porch.

11 to 20°C  Comfortable
Typical West Coast weather.

21 to 25°C  Hot Day
Sandals, cargo shorts and Hawaiian shirts, maybe even a wicker fedora.
(Our fashion columnist would have my head.)

26 to 30°C  Scorcher
Clear my schedule. I’m not leaving the house if I can help it, unless it’s for Slurpees.

31 to 35°C  Summer screamer
I am pants-less in front of the AC. Just leave me here to die.

36 to 40°C  Doesn’t Exist
No such heat could possibly exist. Every molecule of water in my body would evaporate.

40+°C  Centre of the Earth
Too many dinosaurs; I should have brought a rifle.