In case my sarcastic tone did not come across in the headline, let me explain. I do not like summer. It is filled with uncomfortable, hot weather and requires showing off more flesh than I am comfortable with. For a little insight into my thoughts, allow me to share with you “The Wilhelm Scale of Temperature.”
−273.15°C Absolute Zero
. . .
−273.14 to −10°C Death of Cold
I do not plan on setting foot in such a harsh environment for fear of frostbite-ification, unless a Klondike bar is involved.
−9 to 0°C Winter Day
This has the making of a nice winter day indoors: cosy warm fire, cookies and cuddling your shmootzypooh.
1 to 10°C Mild Chill
Make some room in the fridge for more beer; the milk will be fine on the porch.
11 to 20°C Comfortable
Typical West Coast weather.
21 to 25°C Hot Day
Sandals, cargo shorts and Hawaiian shirts, maybe even a wicker fedora.
(Our fashion columnist would have my head.)
26 to 30°C Scorcher
Clear my schedule. I’m not leaving the house if I can help it, unless it’s for Slurpees.
31 to 35°C Summer screamer
I am pants-less in front of the AC. Just leave me here to die.
36 to 40°C Doesn’t Exist
No such heat could possibly exist. Every molecule of water in my body would evaporate.
40+°C Centre of the Earth
Too many dinosaurs; I should have brought a rifle.