In the kingdom of the coronavirus, the social outcast is king April 7, 2020April 7, 2020 Aaron Stefik I have observed a number of persons beginning to catalogue their riveting new lives across social media, and in these, one cannot help but observe a trend of gradually-evolving but
Settlers must go home, initiate Back-to-Europe movement March 4, 2020March 4, 2020 Aaron Stefik In response to the ongoing conflict between provincial authorities and the Wet’suwet’en people, we must find a way to end the effects of North America’s settler invasion. Thus, I present
DEAREST READER | An association must be founded to give voice to dejected single people February 24, 2020February 24, 2020 Aaron Stefik At time of writing, Valentine’s Day has very nearly unleashed itself upon millions of unsuspecting Hallmark recipients. However, today I write not of the chocolate-recipients or Tinder date-goers, but rather
All public bathrooms must be banned to ensure true gender neutrality February 10, 2020February 11, 2020 Aaron Stefik Some have suggested that all washrooms be made equally inclusive. Conversely, I feel that it is only patriotic of me to advocate a stronger solution. In the interest of true
Western nations must train Gen-Z soldiers for the era of meme warfare January 27, 2020January 27, 2020 Aaron Stefik World War III is soon to be upon us, and, make no mistake, will be a different sort of war. Instead of whining about our entitlement or avocado-eating habits, governments
Downtrodden folk suffering under rental crisis should try being born into wealth January 13, 2020January 13, 2020 Aaron Stefik In the face of a dire housing crisis, proposed solutions have included encouraging personal financial management, building micro homes, and enacting legislation. Instead, readers should seek to be born into
UVic should hold competitive study events, see who can ruin their health the fastest December 11, 2019December 11, 2019 Aaron Stefik "Being as I lack the stamina and fortitude to compete in the sport of Extreme Exam Periods, I have resolved, unqualified though I am, to compile something of an outline
Health- and planet-conscious students must eat only wild plants, demand vegan gravity December 2, 2019December 2, 2019 Aaron Stefik "The revelation that our unhappy race has inexorably altered our little blue dot of a home-world has prompted all manner of strategies to plot our salvation, including handing over the
University should improve fundraising efforts, shake down students for cash November 14, 2019November 14, 2019 Aaron Stefik How might modern colleges more efficiently, and with a friendly disposition, extract funds from reluctant current and former students? I have at least observed a handful of appropriate methods, some
DEAREST READER | A proclamation of the foundation of the Church of Latter-Day Students October 31, 2019October 31, 2019 Aaron Stefik Some may look dimly on the prospect of conjuring from the æther a new and mortal-centred yet divine doctrine. Nevertheless, I warrant that so long as midterms, finals, essays, and
