Bequeathing the last Twinkie on Earth

by | Nov 29, 2012 | Humour

Dearest family, If you are shocked at the estate I have bequeathed to you, take consolation in knowing I am, too. I am sorry that my business ventures have not proven as profitable as I desired. Evidently I was not the visionary my father hoped I would be. I dabbled...

The eternal question: when to make the move?

by | Nov 22, 2012 | Humour

Is it time for me to kiss you? Oh geez, let’s take it back five minutes. Here we are on your couch and the movie is going and you and I both know we’re only watching it for one reason. I hate chick flicks, and from what I’ve gathered during our conversation, you seem...

Fight November stress

by | Nov 8, 2012 | Humour

So you’re as swamped with essays as the U.S. of A. is with debt? Your impending midterm has you cringing like a woman in labour? I don’t care. I’m not here for you to vent to. My shoulder is not for crying on. My voice is for motivating, and my message is: “Buck up.”...

364 days until Halloween

by | Nov 1, 2012 | Humour

Cry away your monster makeup. Wallow through your sugar hangover. It’s time to take a black or orange marker to your calendar — let it squeak in sadness — and note the next best day of your life: one whole year from now. There are 364 days until Halloween. Cry away;...

Songs to scrub to

by | Oct 18, 2012 | Culture, Music

If you’re averse to singing in the shower, it’s because you’ve suffered psychological damage. Beginning in your early elementary school years, you were told what you cannot do. You’re no good with a paintbrush. Your papier-mâché is crap. You can’t catch a baseball....