University social situations 101

by | Oct 3, 2012 | A-List, Humour

The teenage years are behind you, or are soon to be, but let’s face it: you’re a student. No matter your age, university can be an awkward place, in and out of Ring Road. Here’s a pop quiz to help alleviate your suffering and guide you through your next post-secondary...

Shoot me, please: I’m naked

by | Sep 27, 2012 | Humour, Stories | Satire

I’m writing this to let you know that next Saturday, I will be naked on the balcony of the Delta Hotel. I’d like to be an indelible memory for tourists visiting Victoria. I’d like to welcome them to the city, and since we haven’t slapped billboards up all over the...

Apologies for accidental texts

by | Sep 20, 2012 | Humour, Stories | Satire

– Hey, just want to say I’m sorry I pocket-texted you in the middle of your orthodontist appointment. I know when you have an appointment you only keep your phone on for emergencies, so I’m sorry you had to swallow some fluoride and reach down to your vibrating pocket...

Michael Phelps behind maple syrup heist

by | Sep 13, 2012 | Humour, Stories | Satire

At the end of August, the Dow Jones Industrial Average steadily climbed. The NASDAQ enjoyed increases, and the projected cost of maple syrup surged. On Aug. 31, a reported $30 million of sirop d’érable was stolen from a warehouse in St-Louis-de-Blandford, Quebec. The...
Best ways to kill an orca

Best ways to kill an orca

by | Sep 6, 2012 | Humour, Stories | Satire

Yes, they’re beautiful, and their colours are as bold and distinct as an Oreo’s—dunked in the Pacific rather than milk — but do not be fooled: orcas are killer whales. Murderous whales. Homicidal whales. Don’t let SeaWorld and early ’90s films deceive you. These...