Bros are not “Stoked on the Oldies”


By Steezy Zeezy

Three bros have denied their alleged involvement in a charity for elderly veterans called “Stoked on Oldies”. Their legal counsel Ben Dover stated, “My clients unequivocally deny the claim that they are spending their time raising money and awareness for the elderly that have been left behind. These claims are outrageous, hurtful, and untrue, and would cut into the bros’ busy schedule of whippets, BMXing at the skate park, and being all around totally chill Broseidons.”

First bro Kevin Bruce stated, “This is just a big fucking trip, dude.” Second bro Brad Daniels referred to the claims as, “…struggle bus”. Third bro Cory Wright stated, “While a connection to this group is laudable in principle, it is also misrepresentative of our distinct beliefs. We operate in pluralistic society whereby the maintenance of group identities and rights is constitutionally enshrined—it must be respected. Strictly speaking, a bro is a bro is a bro”.

During the course of the interview, Bruce loudly replied to Wright, “You want one of these, Rick?,” then elbow dropped him on their family-size trampoline. Daniels then proclaimed that he is, “[a] sick Brobi Wan Kenobi.”
The case is expected to proceed to trial Apr. 1st, 2014.