Butterfly creationist groups join together to protest evolutionary theory

Humour Stories | Satire

The Insect History Convention received unexpected attention on Monday when a large group of butterflies arrived at the front steps of the Monarch Convention Center. Representing their creationist groups, the butterflies aimed to protest the recent announcements of the biological origins of butterflies.

Late last week, the head of the Butterfly History Museum, Butter Fry, announced that recent historical findings have shown promising evidence that butterflies have come from caterpillars. “Over the past five years we have been lucky enough to find and collect a lot of old mysterious casings found on the fringes of our butterfly society,” states Fry. “Using the evidence found, we have pieced together the complicated tapestry of our past. It has now allowed us to see our past, and ourselves, in an entirely different light.”

According to Fry’s research, butterflies originate as caterpillars, which spend their life cycle eating leaves and crawling over things. “We are very confident of our research and evidence,” he stated. Although Fry’s research was well received in the historical and scientific world, it has raised concerns and protests from other groups, such as the Westboro Buttercup Church, which was at this reported protest.

“We couldn’t have originated from caterpillars,” states Ann Tenna, the head of the organization. “The caterpillars look nothing like us; they are just so primitive. There’s no way we derived from them.”

Another anti-caterpillar-origin group, Butterfly World Creationists, states that this scientific theory is still just a theory. “They are clearly missing the connection between caterpillar and butterfly. This missing link makes their theory look even more unrealistic.”

Like other creationist groups, all of the groups that showed up to protest today believe that butterflies, and the world they live in, were intelligently created by an all-knowing butterfly god. “We have perfect wings that allow us to fly; you can’t use science to explain that,” states Tenna. “What this scientist is trying to push on us is going to hurt our entire butterfly kingdom.”

Despite the protests, the scientific and historical associations are going forward with declaring this theory as scientific fact. After heavy scientific review, the butterfly scientists have decided to make this a very acceptable scientific theory. “The evidence is too strong to ignore,” says Mon Arch, the head of the historical society. “We have to adopt it.”

Although the protest is over, the creationist groups are far from giving up the fight. “We will keep on fighting,” states Tenna. “No one living has any right to tell us what to believe.” The caterpillars themselves were unable for comment, as their voices were too quiet for our best microphones to pick up.