Canada to fly advertising banner over Trump inauguration

Humour Stories | Satire
Illustration by Leone Brander, Design Director
Illustration by Leone Brander, Design Director

In a bold attempt to increase immigration from south of the 49th parallel, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced that the federal government will be flying an advertising banner over Washington, D.C., during Donald Trump’s presi- dential inauguration on Jan. 20.

The banner, which will reportedly picture a Canadian flag and the words “Still An Option,” is scheduled to make several loops around the U.S. capitol before making a final pass over the inauguration as Celine Dion Andrea Bocelli Elton John Justin Timberlake Bruno Mars The Dixie Chicks David Foster Rebecca Ferguson Jackie Evancho performs the national anthem.

“We just want to let Americans know that we’re still up here and that if they still want to escape, we’ll welcome them with open arms,” said Trudeau. “Especially Bryan Cranston.”

Swathes of U.S. celebrities pledged to move to Canada if Trump was elected, but surprisingly, now that the Republican candidate is president-elect and America’s descent into a post-truth orange dynasty has begun, most have reneged on their promises.

Trudeau, however, was particularly concerned with one potential Canadian. “Did you see Bryan Cranston on SNL a few weeks ago? He reprised Walter White!”

The benefits of immigration are vast, including increasing the productive capacity of the workforce and raising Canada’s GDP. New immigrants are also more likely to move within their new home countries, which eliminates expansion bottlenecks and allows for accelerated economic growth. America in particular would likely be a source of highly-skilled immigrants, who are innovative in STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) fields.

“Sure, that stuff’s great, but wouldn’t it be awesome to have the Cran Man become Canadian!?” Trudeau asked. “This is the guy who played Hal on Malcolm in the Middle and Heisenberg on Breaking Bad. He’s a living legend!”

Trump has recently come under fire for appointing numerous corporate executives to his cabinet and failing to disclose potential conflicts of interest, actions Trudeau was quick to denounce.

“Calling Hillary Clinton out for her ties to Goldman Sachs, and then naming Jay Clayton as head of the Securities and Exchange Commission is rather hypocritical,” said Trudeau. “I can imagine a lot of Americans are looking for a different kind of politics, without such glaring conflicts of interest. I can assure them they’ll find that in Canada.”

After the announcement, the Prime Minister promptly left to attend his third fundraising dinner of the evening.