Humour

Students of residence tire of UVic’s COVID-19 policies, take over University Centre in protest

In a stunning turn of events, UVic students have (once again) occupied the University Centre in a protest — and this time, it’s in protest of UVic’s mercurial response to…

BREAKING: The bunnies strike back

Following numerous reports of bunnies returning to campus, the Martlet is re-opening our “Bunny Bureau” and hiring rabbit reporters to correspondent positions to investigate the return of the bunnies.

Settlers must go home, initiate Back-to-Europe movement

In response to the ongoing conflict between provincial authorities and the Wet’suwet’en people, we must find a way to end the effects of North America’s settler invasion. Thus, I present…

DEAREST READER | An association must be founded to give voice to dejected single people

At time of writing, Valentine’s Day has very nearly unleashed itself upon millions of unsuspecting Hallmark recipients. However, today I write not of the chocolate-recipients or Tinder date-goers, but rather…

A brief taxonomy of why people raise their hands in class

Students often raise their hands in class, for an assortment of reasons. We offer here a record of our writer’s observations to provide a taxonomy of the phenomenon.

The Martlet’s valentines

Valentine's Day is a time for letting the people in your life know how you feel about them — whether they are your partner, a community radio station, or the…

All public bathrooms must be banned to ensure true gender neutrality

Some have suggested that all washrooms be made equally inclusive. Conversely, I feel that it is only patriotic of me to advocate a stronger solution. In the interest of true…

UVic Board of Governors reveals funding fossil fuel companies actually a cure for climate change

After seven long years of hearing the cries for divestment from fossil fuels from students and faculty and many hours of crunching numbers over lunch in the University Club, the…

Western nations must train Gen-Z soldiers for the era of meme warfare

World War III is soon to be upon us, and, make no mistake, will be a different sort of war. Instead of whining about our entitlement or avocado-eating habits, governments…