Humour

Downtrodden folk suffering under rental crisis should try being born into wealth

In the face of a dire housing crisis, proposed solutions have included encouraging personal financial management, building micro homes, and enacting legislation. Instead, readers should seek to be born into…

UVic should hold competitive study events, see who can ruin their health the fastest

"Being as I lack the stamina and fortitude to compete in the sport of Extreme Exam Periods, I have resolved, unqualified though I am, to compile something of an outline…

Health- and planet-conscious students must eat only wild plants, demand vegan gravity

"The revelation that our unhappy race has inexorably altered our little blue dot of a home-world has prompted all manner of strategies to plot our salvation, including handing over the…

University should improve fundraising efforts, shake down students for cash

How might modern colleges more efficiently, and with a friendly disposition, extract funds from reluctant current and former students? I have at least observed a handful of appropriate methods, some…

DEAREST READER | A proclamation of the foundation of the Church of Latter-Day Students

Some may look dimly on the prospect of conjuring from the æther a new and mortal-centred yet divine doctrine. Nevertheless, I warrant that so long as midterms, finals, essays, and…

Why Canadians should vote for the sexiest candidate every time

If we have learned nothing else in the time Justin Trudeau has been in office, it is that candidates with great hair and a winning smile are always the most…

UVic must expand commercial opportunities, build shopping centre

"I propose a redoubling of UVic’s attempts to attract corporate interests to the campus, that we may both line our coffers and provide additional shopping experiences to our many prosperous…

Dearest Reader | The Age of Consent should be raised to thirty nationwide

How many countless heartbreaks and uncomfortable, lonely walks along the quad after a furtive late-night tryst has UVic borne witness to? It’s our writers earnest intention that such unpleasantness can…

Dearest Reader | We must embrace the bright side of severe climate change

As the news preoccupies itself with the fires in the Amazon and the growing rate of global warming, let us pause to consider the benefits climate change offers.