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Category: Humour

Humour A-List Comics Dearest Reader Spoof Stories | Satire

Exclusive: UVSS slates leaked ahead of 2020 election

March 28, 2019March 24, 2019
Emily Fagan
As with any good election cycle, though the 2019 student elections are over, our coverage of the 2020 UVSS elections has only just begun. Below are the names and platforms

For the love of toast

February 26, 2019March 18, 2019
Brianna Bock
You’ve got a lot on your plate… but there’s probably room for toast With midterms, assignments, part-time or full-time jobs, and a gazillion other things on your plate, who has time...

The time my house was destroyed by a flood

February 2, 2019January 24, 2019
Blaine Willick
As many cozied up with hot cocoa and movies over the final days of the winter holidays, I can't say I experienced that same luxury. On Jan. 3, I found myself,...

Two UVic roommates shared one pair of pants for a whole year

January 24, 2019
Devon Bidal
Started from [sharing] the bottom[s], now we here Have you ever had a sibling or a friend borrow (steal) your clothes? It’s annoying because the day you go to put on...

This is the ONLY way to live in Victoria!

October 16, 2018October 16, 2018
Marshall Scott-Bigsby
Local news staff discovers ways to cut down on rent that landlords will HATE! Everyone knows that the Victoria housing market is causing many aspiring and current residents to contemplate new...

Victoria cycling community in outrage at Helps’ plan for pedestrian lanes

October 9, 2018
Marshall Scott-Bigsby
Victoria Mayor Lisa Helps is being criticized for giving cyclists the curb degree Monday saw a record number of angry Victoria residents at this past City Council meeting. Reflective vests, bright...

Breaking: Campus food found to be abnormally good

September 24, 2018September 24, 2018
Marshall Scott-Bigsby
"This is not what I ordered" One of the most important parts of owning and operating a restaurant is ensuring consistency and adherence to brand normalcy. In the same way that...

A freshperson’s UVic survival guide

September 8, 2018
Marshall Scott-Bigsby
Your all-in-one manual that’ll keep you savvy around seasoned UVicers Fresh off the Ferry? Attempting to satiate your parents’ shockingly high expectations by half-assing a social sciences degree? Gave up on...

UVSS Board considering embezzling money to raise student awareness of union

August 14, 2018August 14, 2018
Cormac O’Brien and Marshall Scott-Bigsby
“If it worked for the SFUO, why can’t it work for us?” Late last week, shocking allegations were levelled at members of the University of Ottawa’s student union (SFUO), as...

We had an AI reproduce over 70 years’ worth of Martlet content

July 20, 2018
Marshall Scott-Bigsby
We had our AI write this past issue for us, and here are some articles that didn’t make the cut! Inspired by screenplays written by AIs, which have been taking Twitter...
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Full articles about both exposures are on our webs Full articles about both exposures are on our website. UVic will not be releasing public information about these cases. 

UVic says they have worked with Island Health to inform some students that they should self-monitor for symptoms and were not considered high risk.
Tuition will go up next year: 💵 Domestic stud Tuition will go up next year: 

💵 Domestic student tuition is going up by 2% 
💵 International student tuition is going up by 3.75% (went up by 20% in 2018, 15% in 2019, and 3.75% in 2020) 

At the meeting, UVic president Kevin Hall called the budget fair and said that the process for determining the budget was transparent. 

Student representatives Juliet Watts and Kate Fairley voted against the budget. 

Full article at the link in our bio.
The Fairy Creek blockades started as an effort to The Fairy Creek blockades started as an effort to save old growth forests. Eight months and nine locations later, a rotating case of forest defenders continue to join those that have been there from day one.

An injunction was served at all camps this morning. The B.C. Supreme Court granted the injunction on April 1 to the logging company Teal-Jones Group. 

For more on this developing story, check out our article at the link in our bio.

Photos and words by @michaeljohnlo
The Province has issued new COVID-19 guidelines fo The Province has issued new COVID-19 guidelines for March 29, 2021. Here is what you need to know.

#covid_19 
#bcpoli 
#pandemic 
#covid
UVSS election results! A full article will be uplo UVSS election results! A full article will be uploaded to our website shortly.
CW - Atlanta shooting | Read the full article by S CW - Atlanta shooting | Read the full article by Senior Staff Writer Michael John Lo on martlet.ca
In one of our latest news articles, we tried to fi In one of our latest news articles, we tried to find out how much UVic is spending on social media. 

UVic recently hired seven new Social Media Ambassadors (SMAs) to help promote UVic on Instagram and TikTok. Each Social Media Ambassador is paid $19.50 an hour and is required to work for five hours or less each week.

The total cost of the new SMA program is covered under UVic’s communications and marketing budget and is included in the approximately $14 600 000 budgeted for external engagement. The seven new SMAs will cost UVic ~$10,920 for a semester. Aside from the SMAs, UVic also spent $63,340 on Facebook, which also owns Instagram, from 2019-2020.

For more on the SMAs and what they do, check out the news article about these new positions on martlet.ca — link in our bio. 

#uvic #victoriabc
Join us on FRIDAY for the UVSS Election Debates!! Join us on FRIDAY for the UVSS Election Debates!! This is a great opportunity to ask candidates your questions directly and get their thoughts on issues that matter to you. 

At the link in our bio, you'll find a form to submit questions and more links to our election coverage where you can learn more about the candidates. 

#uvic #victoriabc
all about the vaccine rollout 🤗 this is a summa all about the vaccine rollout 🤗 this is a summary of the information available on ImmunizeBC.ca and Island Health's website. If you'd like to learn more, check out those sources. 

#uvic #victoriabc

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Our paper is written and published on the unceded lands of the Lekwungen peoples, and the Songhees, Esquimalt, and W̱SÁNEĆ peoples whose relationships with this land continue to this day. The Martlet Publishing Society is an incorporated B.C. Society and operates based on our Statement of Principles. We strive to act as an agent of constructive social change and will not publish racist, sexist, homophobic or otherwise oppressive copy.
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