Spoof

Dating advice for a galaxy far, far away

Dear Abby, I’m writing to you because I’m in the same problem so many women find themselves in. I’m a good girl who’s in love with a bad boy. But…

Fir tree goes to court

By Heilman Amos The big fir on the east side of the creek is fed up with tourists calling him old. He promises to fall over on the next bunch…

People in SUB do things?

By Max Power So I saw this guy a while ago? You know, that one guy, with the hair and the shirts? Well, the guy was walking past that place…

CLASSIFIEDS WANTED One free object: Must be roughly two to 10 feet in length. Must be light enough to carry home but heavy enough to harm others. Can be made…

Coffee shop opens —serves coffee!

By Agnes Elliott Doyle A brand new coffee shop is slated to open in Victoria next week. There is high demand for another one to open, since according to studies…

UVic prof tells hilarious and original joke—most students laugh, several predictably offended

By Neil G. Rayzer UVic Political Science professor Jeffrey Kincaide reportedly told a funny joke to a half-full lecture hall on the Friday prior to Reading Break. Allegedly the professor…

Ford stupored, remains mayor

 By Gaberaham Lunncoln Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was found this past week to be acting in a ludicrous manner in the presence of the media and all those wielding iPhones.…

Briefs: the silent killer!!!1!

By Adam Gooddayman Scientists have finally gathered enough information to confirm a long-held hypothesis that briefs, or “tighty whities,” are, in fact, deadly. “Let’s start off with the waistband,” said…

UVSS bans itself from the SUB

By Neil G. Rayzer In an effort to be taken more seriously by students, the UVSS voted unanimously to ban itself from the SUB. An unnamed interim representative was quoted…