Stories | Satire

Not all of us are assholes, but all of us have one

Letting one rip. Shooting the breeze. Breaking wind. Cuttin’ the cheese. Farting. Reading that, I bet you felt discomforted. Why is that? We all know we fart, so what’s the…

Stand on me: Linguistics of love

Would you date someone who is a native speaker of a language that you were in the process of learning? It can be difficult enough to communicate in my first…

Goodbye to romance: My hairy split with Kitty Collector

Dear Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector, I’m leaving you. They say that love is blind. But it’s also fleeting, and so it’s with a heavy heart that I am coming clean…

The six stages of playing ‘Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector’

Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector is a mobile game where you buy toys for virtual cats, who in turn leave you fish, which you then use to buy more toys. None…

“Ah”: 15 of my favourite Vines from 2015

If Vine has proven anything, it’s that Shakespeare wasn’t lying when he wrote “Brevity is the soul of wit.” With only six seconds of video available, you gotta get in,…

A newbie’s guide to Star Wars

In a galaxy far, far away, with aliens from a thousand worlds, a bunch of robots and guys in robes fire lasers at each other. There’s romance, rebellion, and a…

4 things you actually want for Christmas

Look at your calendar. Now back to me. Now back at your calendar. Now back to me. What is that on your calendar? It looks like a Big Day known…

There’s fashionably late—and then there’s American Thanksgiving

American Thanksgiving makes no sense. Now, before any Americans get all up in their right to bear arms and try to shoot me through the head with their grandmother’s shotgun,…

F*cking an introvert: 9 things you should know

Editor’s note: During the process of editing this article, a passage was removed from the introduction that was fundamental to the thesis of the piece. After consulting with the author, we’ve agreed…