Fuel for Sex: Let’s splurge

Culture Food | Drink

Ah, Valentine’s Day. The one day a year that calendars designate to feeling the love, spreading the love, all the love! Although I’m a fan of year-round love, I like to take this opportunity to go all out. And the best way to people’s hearts is through food, right?

As I was frustrated at my lack of inspiration on what special dish to make for this occasion, a friend suggested what now seems like the most appropriate Valentine’s food ever: Sex in a Pan. You heard me. There will be layers of whipped cream, pudding, and creamy goodness all around. This is also probably the most innocent version of sex for any person to share with another, or multiple other people.

Let me just say, there is no real way to try and make this healthy. It’s meant to be a splurge. I even tried to make my own pudding and whipped cream for it, but I have to say, it’s just too good to mess with. And it’s easy to make variations depending on your time frame. No time to make a graham crust or no beaters to make pudding with? Easy fix! Just grab a premade graham pie crust and some snack-pack pudding from your local grocery store. You can spend a whole day making it, or you can whip it up in 10 minutes. Whether you’re making sex for your fancy date, Galentine’s girl’s night, or bromantic bonding, it’s guaranteed to be a delicious experience. (Insert all the “that’s what she said” jokes here.)

Sex in a Pan
(Inspired by various recipes on Google)

1½ cups of graham cracker crumbs*
1 cup chopped nuts (best with pecans, walnuts or hazelnuts)*
½ cup butter, melted*
1 8-ounce package of cream cheese
1 cup icing sugar
2 packets of Dream Whip (or 3-4 cups of frozen Cool Whip, thawed)
1 package each of instant chocolate and vanilla pudding (or 1 Snack Pack of each flavour)
4 cups of milk**
Optional sprinkles or grated chocolate for garnish

*can be substituted with premade graham cracker pie crust
**unnecessary if using Cool Whip and Snack Pack pudding


Preheat your oven to 350 F.

Layer 1: In a bowl, combine graham crumbs, chopped nuts, and melted butter.  Press the mixture into a greased nine-by-13-inch baking dish, or evenly between multiple smaller baking dishes (french onion soup bowls are great for individual portions).  Bake for 15–20 minutes. Let cool completely.

If using premade crust, simply remove from packaging.

Layer 2: Beat together cream cheese and icing sugar, and spread over top of graham cracker crust.

Layer 3: Combine both packs of Dream Whip with two cups of milk and beat until thickened (the mixture should form peaks).  Or let Cool Whip thaw. Spread half of the whip overtop of the cream cheese layer. Set aside the leftover Cool Whip.

Layers 4 and 5: Make the chocolate and vanilla pudding according to the package directions (using the rest of the milk), or peel the tops off the Snack Packs. Spread one layer of each overtop of the whipped layer (in no particular order).

Layer 6: Spread the remaining Cool Whip on top.

Refrigerate for at least two hours before serving. Best if left overnight. Garnish with whatever sprinkles and chocolate your heart desires and indulge.