Google launches new Google Glass beta feature, Date+, to celebrate Valentine’s Day

Humour Stories | Satire

HUMOUR—At Google’s press conference yesterday, Google’s CEO, Larry Page, announced that, in celebration of Valentine’s Day, beta customers who are also partners with each other and each have a Google Glass will be given a free, new feature. This new feature targeted towards romantic couples is called Date+, or “date plus”, and allows free texting, and picture and video messaging between the pair of Google Glasses, free of charge.

“We hope that with this new feature, couples will feel less obligated to talk to each other in real life,” said Page. “In today’s world, couples are usually either too busy or too anxious to discuss real issues or ideas. Date+ hopes to make it so you will never have to talk about those things again.” Page also stated that Google hopes that with the upcoming release of season two of House of Cards on Valentine’s Day, couples will not have to choose between watching new episodes and spending quality time with their loved ones.
Victoria locals Mary and John Aldik have been a lucky pair chosen out of over 5 000 applicants hoping for a chance to test out Google Glass and the Date+ feature. “At first we were a bit nervous about using them. You know, with Google taking all your information and all,” said Mrs. Aldik. “But then they told us they weren’t evil, so that really cleared the situation up.” Mary and John were both given a free pair of Google Glass to beta test, along with the Date+ feature. “Since we started using them, it’s really freed up our time,” said Mrs. Aldik. “It’s so much more convenient than actually talking and spending time together.”

Date+ also has a multitasking feature, which allows the user to interact with their significant other on one lens while using the other for programs, such as Internet browsing. “Finally I can hang out with John while also posting my casual encounter Craigslist ads at the same time,” said Mrs. Aldik. “It’s definitely a worthwhile feature.”

The multitasking app also supports other standard computer programs usually not compatible with mobile devices. “With Date+, I can spend time with my wife, while I do my daily quests in World of Warcraft,” said Mr. Aldik. “Life has never been more convenient, and my gold has never been higher.”
“With this feature we hope not only to improve the experience of relationships, but also gain a window into the world of real-life North American relationships,” said Page. Google also hopes to build on Date+ in the next few years by partnering with Facebook to incorporate Facebook’s “Face time.”

“We hope that with this technological advance, we can make it so each partner can electronically interact with one another without having to turn to each other in real life,” said Page. Google is also hoping to partner with Amazon, with the goal of allowing couples to spend time together without talking to each other or even leaving their home with Amazon’s drone system.

“As a company, Google has the advancement of technology in its hands,” said Page. “We have a responsibility to please our customers by advancing us toward a comfortable future.” Google Glass, and its Date+ feature, is aimed to be available to the general public in 2016, while the Facetime Date+ add-on is aimed to be available to beta testers in late 2014.