Illegalize catnip

Humour Stories | Satire
Mary Robertson (graphic)
Mary Robertson (graphic)

Dog enjoy simple things. Food. Human. Food. Belly rubs. Food. Dog friend to Human if food involved. Dog sit for food, Dog lay down for food. Point is, Dog work hard. Unlike Cat.

Cat bad. Cat not listen to Human. Dog think maybe Dog get Cat’s food instead for being such a good Dog. But no. Dog punished if Dog tries to eat Cat’s food. Then when Cat bump down bananas to floor, Dog think Cat help out Dog. Dog eat bananas whole. Skin tough, but good. Good like Dog, or so Dog thought. Human come home angry. Dog blamed. “Bad Dog,” yells Human. Human does not understand that it was all Cat’s fault.

Like Dog said, Dog enjoy simplyethings. Unlike Cat. Cat eat catnip. Cat’s eyes go crazy. Cat run away and never get tired. Instead of never talking to Dog, Cat tells Dog life goal: to kill Human. Dog does not understand where food would come from if Human dead. Cat not seem to care. Who knows how many crimes catnip started?

Dog not like Cat, on catnip or off. But Dog especially not like Cat on catnip. You do not see Dog on catnip. Dog respectable. Dog good. Mind you, Dog’s cousin, German Dog, works at airport. German Dog sniffs for bad drugs. Maybe German Dog sniff for and eats catnip. But German Dog makes biscuit wage doing it. German Dog still good dog.

Why catnip not illegal? Even Human’s green equivalent, weed, legal in some areas. At first, Dog unsure of weed. Smells of skunk, which smells great. But Dog learn once that if Dog gets too close, skunk can be bad. But weed not as bad as skunk. When Human eat weed, Human eat lots of food. Dog usually get food which Human drop on floor. Dog happy, so weed good.

When Cat eat catnip, Cat does not want more food. Cat does not drop food on floor. Cat tell Dog about Cat’s angry life. Cat play with Dog’s tail, hurting Dog. Sometimes Cat sees mouse when mouse not there.

Plus why only Cat allowed to eat catnip? Why catnip even called catnip? Very exclusive name. Does that mean Dog can never try catnip unless Dog turns into a Cat? Why not call it Dog food? Even though Dog know catnip bad, Dog still want to try catnip. Catnip on list of Dog’s must eats, including cheese, Human’s poo, and kitchen trash.

So either catnip needs name changed to include Dog or catnip needs to be banned! Dog also thinks Cat should be banned, but that is for different argument.

Jules Turner (graphic)
Jules Turner (graphic)