Man invents something


By Trik Jones

Sometime in the past month, a guy in a North American city invented something. After a full decade of work, this guy produced a small gray tube-like device. The device, currently unnamed, has yet to show any specific purpose.

In regards to the device, the inventor said something like, “It’s still in the testing phase right now. I’m sure it does something, but I haven’t quite figured it out yet.”

His applications for patents in Canada and the U.S. have been denied due to the lack of name or purpose for the device; however, he did say that Luxembourg has shown interest in providing funding. As one of the richest countries in the world per capita, Luxembourg can certainly help this man develop his ideas and invention.

“We have confidence that this device will have a grand purpose,” said the dog-walker of the neighbour of the childhood friend of His Royal Highness Henri, Grand Duke of Luxembourg. “We’re a small country, so backing an underdog is kind of our thing. What if this device ends world hunger? You don’t know!”

The guy who invented the device doesn’t seem to believe it will end world hunger. “I dunno. I could see it like flying or being a time machine or something. Ending world hunger would be totally cool, but to be honest, I’m pretty sure that’s not possible. I mean, could you imagine never being hungry ever? How would you know to eat?”

A doctor in Canada said that the inventor may not be as much of a genius as Luxembourg thinks. He said that the inventor is a stoner who just sits around all day and watches TV and the invention is just a cardboard tube filled with silly putty.

The inventor, however, says that the doctor’s credentials can’t be trusted. “Dude’s doctorate is in philosophy,” he said. “You can’t trust a philosophy major. They have their head up in the clouds, yo. Seriously. Ask that guy how much he’s smoked in the last week. Who’s the stoner now?”

The Canadian doctor admits to smoking marijuana, but also presented a licence for medical usage. As that is legal in Canada, it cannot be used to dispute his credibility. The fact that he said he was a doctor and neglected to say in what, however, is a different story. Luxembourg refused to accept his claims that the device will never have a useful purpose.

While the guy and his device still have yet to prove their worth, Luxembourg continues to funnel millions of Euros into the research and development of this invention. The inventor has so-far purchased a mansion which he says will help to test the device. He has tried throwing it from the roof in hopes that it will fly, and dropping it in the pool to see if it will float. So far, none of his tests have been successful.