Seven things you can do alone (again) this Valentine’s Day

Lifestyle Sports | Lifestyle
Illustration by Ghazale Behboud, Graphics Contributor
Illustration by Ghazale Behboud, Graphics Contributor

Ah, Valentine’s Day. It’s the time of year that makes you feel more alone than you ever did before. But you know what? Sometimes, that isn’t a bad thing. No matter why you’re alone this February 14, you deserve some lovin’. Here are some date ideas that you can do by yourself (or with another single pal) that will pick up your spirits and give new meaning to the term ‘self-love.’

1. Get creative

It can be hard to avoid all the cutesy consumerism of V-Day, so why not create something (for yourself) instead of buying something pink or red. My suggestion: paint something ceramic. Fired Up Ceramics on Fort Street is 10 per cent off when you bring a friend after 5 p.m. Make something cool and swap it with your friend, or keep it for yourself.

2. Have a funeral for your Tinder profile

Who doesn’t love parties? Tinder is a difficult way to find love, and prob- ably not worth your time. But you know what is? Dressing all in black and eating finger sandwiches with your closest friends and loved ones. Time to say goodbye to that superficial time waster of an app forever. (Optional: reinstall app one week later when you feel so alone that it’s either that or a family-sized bucket of KFC).

3. Find another single friend and pretend they’re your partner

Although you’re not required to share feelings with your friend, you can always share deals. Go on a shopping trip and spend your heartbreak away on mutually beneficial BOGO sales with your BFF!

4. Go to a movie by yourself

This is one of my greatest fears. What if someone I know will see me going on the ‘ultimate loner date’? Not to worry, friend. For one, it’s really dark in the theatre so no one will recognize you. Pro tip: show up late and sit with what looks like the nearest family. Then if you do see someone you know, you can just say you were with your extended relatives. Just remember to move to another spot after you panickedly grab the kid’s arm next to you while waving to your acquaintance so as to avoid accusa- tions of assault.

Additional benefits to solo movies: You don’t have to share popcorn. Do you realize how many bacteria are on not only your hands, but your date’s as well? Just imagine every time you

shovel a handful from bag to mouth, you’re basically licking a toilet seat . . . coated in butter. By flying solo, you’ll only be licking your own toilet seat, and not someone else’s.

5. Reserve a table for two

You may be asking, “why would I need to reserve a table for two? I’m a loner for V Day, duh. Why else would I be reading this stupid article . . . ?” Well, it’s time to take a risk. Make the reservation, then upon showing up, make sure to mention to the host that you’re waiting for a date when in reality, no one is coming. When enough time has passed and still no one has shown up, look at the host despairingly every time they make eye contact. The worst outcome: you chicken out and go home. The best outcome: the host feels bad and gives you your drinks for free! Everyone around you gives you free stuff because you look so let down! The crowd claps when you decide to love yourself instead and have a steak dinner all to yourself! Don’t for- get to tip.

6. Care for the fam

This can be your literal ‘lit’ fam or your grandma who you haven’t called in awhile. It’s important to show love not only to lovers, but also to the people you care about. Visit your parents, Skype your friend from out of the country, or even try snail mail! The effort will go a long way and make you both feel loved. And, after all, any social gatherings that you do commit to likely won’t last very long, so if they become overwhelming, you can eventually go back home and hermit until the 15th.

7. Drink wine by yourself and watch romantic comedies. Cry a little at the ending, because you might be single forever.

So what if they’re clichés. Maybe that’s what you need, and maybe that’s okay. No matter what you do this Valentine’s Day, make sure to love others (even if they’re in annoyingly cute relationships) and most importantly, love yourself. And if this means winding up blackout wasted for the fourth year in a row, that’s cool too. You do you.