humour

In the kingdom of the coronavirus, the social outcast is king

I have observed a number of persons beginning to catalogue their riveting new lives across social media, and in these, one cannot help but observe a trend of gradually-evolving but…

Settlers must go home, initiate Back-to-Europe movement

In response to the ongoing conflict between provincial authorities and the Wet’suwet’en people, we must find a way to end the effects of North America’s settler invasion. Thus, I present…

DEAREST READER | An association must be founded to give voice to dejected single people

At time of writing, Valentine’s Day has very nearly unleashed itself upon millions of unsuspecting Hallmark recipients. However, today I write not of the chocolate-recipients or Tinder date-goers, but rather…

All public bathrooms must be banned to ensure true gender neutrality

Some have suggested that all washrooms be made equally inclusive. Conversely, I feel that it is only patriotic of me to advocate a stronger solution. In the interest of true…

Western nations must train Gen-Z soldiers for the era of meme warfare

World War III is soon to be upon us, and, make no mistake, will be a different sort of war. Instead of whining about our entitlement or avocado-eating habits, governments…

Pro-oil club doesn’t feel represented at UVic, but the Ostrich is here to change that

In the coming months, we’ll be publishing more informative articles about the oil and gas industry. We’ll also be covering all Edmonton Oilers hockey games instead of the UVic Vikes'.…

The UVSS will now be editing our stories so they are ‘on message’

Finally, the UVSS has kindly decided to edit our articles before they are published.

Ka-ching! Ka-ching! Hear those graduation bells ring!

With all the pressure that comes with graduation, it can be difficult to look on the bright side. But the Ostrich is here to help. As a graduating student, you…

Letter from the editor: We’ve listened to your feedback, love the Ostrich

We know, we know. The Martlet is too socialist. We're too judgmental. We're too critical. We're too anti-UVic. Anti-oil and pipelines. Anti-UVSS. What are you funding us for, anyways? And…