Things to do in Victoria next time you’re waiting for a tsunami

Humour Stories | Satire
Soon, you’ll be just as underwater as this fish. So why not say hi to it in an aquarium? Photo by cuatrok77 via Flickr

1. Go for a hike 

Victoria is home to some amazing natural landscapes, and the hours before the total devastation of Vancouver Island is as good a time as any to explore them! Newcomers to the hiking scene may want to start with easier treks, like the hikes up Mt. Tolmie or Mt. Doug. Hiking pros, however may prefer the challenging trails of Mt. Finlayson or Jocelyn Hill. Remember: the higher you climb, the better chance you have of surviving. So use that motivation to fuel your adventures!

2. Visit the Sidney Aquarium

Yes, I know, Sidney is out of the way, but the Sidney Aquarium is just too good to skip out on (which is why the tsunami probably won’t miss it, either). If you happen to be in Sidney when you receive the catastrophic and earth-shattering tsunami emergency notice, the aquarium is a relaxing experience that really is fun for the whole family. Rates start at $12 for students, and I recommend getting to know the animals well: soon, you’ll all be underwater!

3. Head to the Royal B.C. Museum

The B.C. museum’s exhibits stretch back thousands and thousands of years, so you’ll have a fantastic understanding of how the intricate and complex human civilization has all led up to the moment you are engulfed by the sea. With models of prehistoric animals and peoples, it may all feel like ancient history — but don’t worry. Soon enough, history will include the catastrophic natural event that consumed you and everybody around you.

4. Realize everything you’ve done is meaningless

Oh God. Oh God! What have I done? What have I affected in any way at all? Why was I put on this earth in the first place? How can anything be worth it?

5. Try an escape room

Escape rooms may seem like a trend that’ll soon be forgotten, but in reality the puzzles are great for bonding with friends and make for memorable evenings. All the best escape rooms are downtown, and you can pick between regular puzzle rooms and horror-themed rooms (the latter of which are filled to the brim with zombies, mad doctors, and saltwater). Be warned, though: these rooms are not for the faint of heart. Participants must be OK with ticking clocks — that is, the countdown for the room and the countdown for Vancouver Island, too.