Top five hazmat suits for weathering COVID-19

Humour Stories | Satire

With the ever-growing and changing threat of the coronavirus, just going outside to grab the mail can seem like a life-or-death situation. So if you’re out of soap and hand sanitizer and desperately need some groceries, what are you to do? Easy. Grab a hazmat suit. But finding the perfect one can be a pain. We’ve compiled a list of the top five hazmat suits to help you navigate the outdoors!

5. Level A Chemical-Resistant Hazmat Suit

Wearing this, you’ll definitely be protected! From corona to chemicals, nothing will touch you. It can fit over your clothes easily, and you can get in and out with little trouble. The 40-millimetre PVC anti-fog expanded-view visor makes it easy to see the world around you. It even covers the feet, so you can wear your shoes inside it! But you also look terrifying, and spreading panic is the last thing we need right now! The suit is also incredibly expensive, ranging from $200-$250, and challenging to move around in.

4. DuPont Industrial & Scientific Disposable Coverall Suit

This suit is relatively affordable, easy to put on, and fits over clothes with an easily accessible zipper. It also has a protective layer that kills germs. But it is single-use, which means you’ll have to buy a lot if you plan on leaving your residence more than once a month. It also doesn’t cover your face or hands, or include masks or gloves, and let’s be honest, those are all gone!

3. Lmzyan White Disposable Workwear

Affordable, breathable, and comfortable, this suit is built to protect the wearer from airborne particles, non-chemical spills, dust, and grime. Relatively light when worn over clothes, it doesn’t weigh you down or restrict your movement in the slightest. Like the DuPont, it’s also single-use. While certainly a better version of number four, it still doesn’t cover your hands and face. So not all of the issues have been resolved!

2. Hooded Blue Radiation Protective Coveralls

Originally used for painting jobs, these coveralls have also been used for agricultural dusting and are strong enough to resist dangerous chemicals. The suit comes in blue and is reusable and durable! But it fits a little tightly around your body, so you can only wear tighter clothing, and it pinches around the face and wrists. So much for comfort! It also doesn’t cover your face and hands— you’ll need to get a mask and gloves separately. It’s also a wee bit pricey, ranging from $45-$50.

1.  Inflatable T-Rex Costume

Not only are you protected and contained, you look great! And honestly, we need something to raise our collective spirits, and what better than a floppy, happy dinosaur? It’s easy to move around in, plus it comes with a fan to use to cool yourself down! You don’t even need to get gloves or a mask! It comes in different colours and styles, so you can stand out from the boring whites of other hazmat suits. On top of that, it also gives you some distance from people, which the other hazmat suits do not. So, grab a T-Rex costume and stay stylish and protected. 

Because it’s easier to laugh than cry!