Two UVic roommates shared one pair of pants for a whole year

Humour Stories | Satire

Started from [sharing] the bottom[s], now we here

Illustration by Nat Inez, Graphics Contributor.

Have you ever had a sibling or a friend borrow (steal) your clothes? It’s annoying because the day you go to put on your favourite sweater is the day you realize that it’s missing from your closet. Plus, your sister will definitely saunter past you without even trying to hide that she’s wearing it.

Now imagine if it was your favourite pair of pants. You wake up with a great outfit planned out, but when you go to get dressed, the pants are gone.

Oh, but that’s right — it mustn’t be your day to wear them! You check the spreadsheet and see that it’s your roommate’s turn to wear the jeans. Damn, I guess it’s a shorts day?

In 2016, roommates Levi and Tommy were so broke that they shared one pair of Bluenotes jeans. Taking turns wearing the precious denim slacks resulted in many a cold day in shorts for the poor shmuck that wasn’t on the pants schedule.

As you can imagine, the year didn’t exactly go smoothly.

“The jeans actually belonged to Tommy,” says Levi. “But it was rough because sometimes I’d really need to wear the pants but it wasn’t my day to wear them.”

In the beginning, it was hard to decide who got to wear the pants each day. Tommy would wear them to work on a Sunday night, but would then want to wear them on Monday, too. Levi wasn’t impressed by this and would retaliate by conveniently spilling beer on the pants the eve before Tommy needed them.

Despite the ups and downs, as the year went on, they worked to perfect their system. A spreadsheet was created and a dishes-in-return-for-switching-days-with-me system was set in place. This worked well for the friends. For a while, at least.

You see, the fight started when Levi applied for a semester abroad.

The roommates went to see Dr. Blu-Trouzer, a mediator with specialist training in intra-wardrobe disagreements.

“I knew Levi would want to take the pants, but I figured we’d talk about it, you know?” says Tommy, still visibly upset three years later.

Levi packed the jeans, intending to take them without tipping anyone off, but Tommy could feel their (the pants’) absence immediately.

“I stormed in and ripped them out of the suitcase,” says Tommy. “We fought for four days straight. We didn’t even stop to go to class! Eventually, we had to seek third-party mediation.”

The roommates went to see Dr. Blu-Trouzer, a mediator with specialist training in intra-wardrobe disagreements.

“This was the toughest situation I’ve ever mediated,” says Blu-Trouzer.

It also speaks to a bigger issue, she says.

“Students are so broke that they’re resorting to sharing one pair of pants between two people? How have we gotten to this point, society?”

Blu-Trouzer worked with Levi and Tommy for a gruelling six and a half hours before resorting to her solution — which she saves for only the most hopeless of cases.

The two friends have since recovered from the experience and are in fact able to survive without the pants.

“The pants ended up cut in half, which wasn’t really helpful to either of us,” says Tommy. “I’m not really clear on why Dr. Blu-Trouzer thought that would help.”

The two friends have since recovered from the experience and are in fact able to survive without the pants. They both have their own wardrobes now and are living healthy, fashionable lives.

Tommy kept their half of the jeans to make rags and potholders, while Levi discarded theirs in Blu-Trouzer’s office.

“I don’t know, I just thought it was weird to keep one pant leg,” says Levi, who is still confused.

Blu-Trouzer has since switched professions. After repurposing the left-behind pant leg into a necklace, she founded a re-worked denim company.

*Names have been changed to respect the individuals’ privacy.