With the end of the semester around the corner, many students are finding their wallets so light they need to tie them down. Here are some tips for our struggling student readers to pinch those pennies, until the semester is over and you can go back to the land of capitalism and customer service.
1. Remember, cardboard is kinda edible.
2. For only a fraction of the cost of a textbook, you can invest in a pair binoculars to help you read people’s notes from afar or from the top floor of the library.
3. Pajamas can be worn all day every day by simply adding a pair of furry boots and a jacket. By purchasing a onesie with a button flap, you’ll never have to get out of it again, let alone wash it.
4. Parking can be expensive for students. If you seduce, hog-tie, and assume the identity of a tenured History of Irrigation Linguistics professor, you can use their parking space for practically nothing.
5. Badger food service personnel as much as possible while they are preparing food. Burned pizza makes for charcolicious savings!
6. Go dumpster diving, it will save you tons of money, plus it will boost your immune system so you’ll never have to waste time going to see the doctor.
7. Take advantage of being on the Island by diving for crabs and other sea life. You will cut both your food bill and your need for caffeine in half.
8. Befriend deer and learn their ways of properly digesting plant life.
9. By bringing a few disguises to Costco, you can eat for free on multiple occasions. Being able to fake accents is an asset.