Posts By: Martlet

All we want this year is…

Dear CSEC, We know you read our emails. It’s okay. We understand that as of 2001 you took over major elements of Santa’s job description. However, in exchange we would like you to send us presents. This is only fair. The Martlet’s 2014 wish list is as follows: The West Antarctic Ice Sheet Could you… Read more »

Parking pipe dreams

It is reprehensible to leave a hostile climate to future generations by quietly accepting a difficult but necessary transition from fossil fuels as simply impossible.

The cost of security

The nation’s refresh buttons and livestreams were earning their keep on Oct. 22. Our prayers were loud and frequent. It’s tough not to feel some sense of fear when acts of violence are directed at our country’s capital. However, in the taut political climate we live in, incidents of violence can provoke rash decisions, and… Read more »

Are you scared yet?

Everyone is bustling to find a scary costume for their evening festivities, but as we look for scary rubber masks, besieged health care workers are trading their now-inadequate surgical masks for respirators as Ebola spreads across West Africa.

Exposing nude photo leaks for what they are

Celebrities, particularly famous women, can hold preciously little as truly private. Their power comes from their allure, their wealth, their talent, but it can all vanish with a few grainy nudes and a few million clicks.

Divesting like a Rockefeller

Last weekend, the descendants of oil magnate John D. Rockefeller chose to divest from fossil fuels. Stephen Heintz, chairman of the Rockefeller Brothers Fund, said that the founder of Standard Oil “moved America out of whale oil and into petroleum.”

Fir tree goes to court

By Heilman Amos The big fir on the east side of the creek is fed up with tourists calling him old. He promises to fall over on the next bunch of annoying camera-carrying visitors. “I’m serious this time,” the tree warned. “The next time some tourist cuts off one of my limbs to count my… Read more »

People in SUB do things?

By Max Power So I saw this guy a while ago? You know, that one guy, with the hair and the shirts? Well, the guy was walking past that place in the SUB, not like the sandwich place, I mean like the Student Whatever Building? And it was that place, you know that place? With… Read more »

CLASSIFIEDS WANTED One free object: Must be roughly two to 10 feet in length. Must be light enough to carry home but heavy enough to harm others. Can be made of any substance except loose materials like Jell-O. No questions/cops preferred. Will pick up. E-mail anon345@hotmail.com WANTED One car: Must have wheels and seats. Doors… Read more »

Coffee shop opens —serves coffee!

By Agnes Elliott Doyle A brand new coffee shop is slated to open in Victoria next week. There is high demand for another one to open, since according to studies the current number of cafés (the specific count unknown) isn’t quite fiercely competitive enough. I sat down with Eugene Bean, the owner of the coffee… Read more »