Philosophy class interrupted by formerly dead philosopher

HUMOUR — A 200-level Philosophy class received quite a shock last week when an unexpected visitor appeared in their classroom. Not only was this visitor unexpected, but he was also from an entirely different realm. According to Helen Nelson, a UVic philosophy student, at exactly 3:45 p.m., the class started experiencing weird phenomena.

“We were just having a normal lecture,” claims Nelson. “Then suddenly lights started flickering on and off, and there was an unnatural drop in temperature.” Suddenly at the front of the classroom, there appeared a disoriented man with a long beard draped in blue robes. Half of the classroom fled in fear, while the other half stayed and watched. Nelson was one of the students that stayed. “I thought about running in fear, but watching it unfold seemed better than doing school work, so I stayed,” says Nelson. After the man appeared to become more oriented with his surroundings, he explained, in plain English, that he was none other than Aristotle, the famous philosopher.

The 200-level Philosophy professor, Derrick Toren, although startled and confused, felt ecstatic.  “I’m never able to book anyone for guest speakers, so it was great to have Aristotle,” he says. Although Toren was excited, he admitted that he was very nervous. “Well when something comes from the underworld, it brings a level of uncertainty and soul-crushing fear, but I was willing to push past it to allow the opportunity for good class discussion.”

Toren promptly asked Aristotle if he would be able to have a class discussion with the students that remained, but the conversation quickly turned sour. “I’m not sure what happened,” admits Toren. “All I said was that he had arrived with perfect timing, as this was the week we were covering his writings.” At this, Aristotle became upset. “He demanded to know why we were studying his life’s work in just one week,” explained Toren. “I showed him the syllabus to explain how much material we have to go through in four months and how class structure worked, but that just made him angrier.” Soon Aristotle began angrily ranting about the concepts of tests and proper education, before turning his attention to the students.

“He asked us how on earth we could learn properly in such a short period of time,” explains Nelson. “We weren’t really sure what to say except that this is just the way university works.” Soon Aristotle cut the class short and started talking more with the students, sharing his concepts of higher education. “It was really interesting what he was telling us in regards to the purposes of education and teaching,” states Nelson. Reports indicate that Aristotle is starting a student-based movement to regain the original purposes and ideas of higher education and has already gained 400 followers on his new Twitter account. When asked how he could speak perfect English, he stated that in the underworld, you have a lot of time on your hands.

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