If you saw a horseman decked out in his finest apocalyptic duds in your hometown, what would you do? Give the Book of Revelations a close reading, perhaps. If you've paid any attention to the proposed pipeline projects that have divided this country for months (Keystone, Northern Gateway) and you're wondering what lies ahead, what should you do? Watch The Pipe at the Victoria Film Festival (VFF).

Charlotte Gill’s tree-planting career spanned 17 years. Ten years into her silvicultural work, Gill knew she wanted to write the “untold story” of tree-planting life.

Nath Keo, a belly-dance instructor and owner of Sacred Centre Dance, pitches his body back and forth like Muhammad Ali’s punching bag. It’s Saturday morning at the studio, and neither a night out at a club nor my 15 years of classical ballet training could have prepared me for this duality of muscle constriction and the freedom to jiggle. My thighs are starting to burn, but the “Indian cowgirl” music is impossible not to undulate to. I think I’m doing well until I glance in the mirror.

There’s something life-affirming about coming in from the bitter cold, shedding your raincoat and curling up with a bowl of hot soup. I have a few banked soup recipes for such wintery times, and this lentil soup recipe is one of my favourites. It’s delicious, cheap, plentiful and long-lasting; a hint of cayenne pepper gives it flavourful warmth and the carrots provide extra fibre for a well-rounded meal. It’s one of my go-to recipes when I’m on a very tight food budget. If you’ve never made lentil soup before, you’ll be surprised at how easy it is, especially if you use a food processor to chop the vegetables.

Andre Williams & Green Hornet – Holland Shuffle! (2003)

Recorded at the Vera Club in Groningen, Netherlands, in December 2001, Holland Shuffle! is a triumphant, blistering album by a man who’s overcome numerous obstacles and tragedies, reaching an apex of strength and fury.

On the Edge, a play that has its world premiere at the Belfry Theatre this month, points a huge spotlight on what it means to be a middle-class woman in North America — and what it means to be a man in a woman’s world. Written by Michele Riml and directed by Andrew McIlroy, the one-woman show is composed of three monologues starring the talented and tireless Susinn McFarlen.

THE BROKE AND SPONTANEOUS I’ve known people who have gone for drinks with a friend and had that oh-my-god-I’m-graduating-and-when-the-hell-did-that-happen conversation, only to have ended up leaving the bar with plans for an adventure all mapped out.

DONOR (PHILIPPINES)

In this film directed by Mark Afable Meily, Filipina actress Meryll Soriano portrays a woman named Lizette who must survive the exigency of slum life in Manila. When the financial demands of her disgustingly selfish boyfriend and her job search begin to overwhelm her, she sells one of her kidneys on the black market.

Beats Antique’s electro-acoustic collection will be performing in Victoria’s Club 9one9 on Jan.31. The cultural soundscape and energetic live set that artists Tommy Cappel, David Satori and Zoe Jakes have created hails from San Francisco. Beats Antique creates an eclectic fusion of world beats and electronica, constructing a sound reminiscent of a gypsy circus whirling it’s way through a lightening storm.

The Victoria Film Festival (VFF) is upon us once again, running from Feb. 3 to 12. More than 70 feature-length films from around the world will be screened, as well as almost as many shorts. As a Canadian film aficionado, I was delighted to notice that Canadian films are at a premium this year, accounting for a whopping 25 of the feature-length productions.

In this latest instalment in the Mission: Impossible franchise, the Impossible Missions Force is shut down after its implied association with the bombing of the Kremlin. The president of the United States invokes “Ghost Protocol,” which disavows the IMF agency. With no back-up or help, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and his team must find the terrorist who bombed the Kremlin — a terrorist who has acquired Russian nuclear launch codes that could destroy the world. The team travels around the world to Russia, Dubai and Mumbai to track down the terrorist known as Hendricks.

Now, before I start dealing out the advice you’re all pining for, let me slap a warning label on this bitch.

Canoe is Victoria’s brewpub. It’s housed in the “City Lights” building, originally used to light Victoria’s streetlamps and dating back to 1894. The handcrafted beers are uniquely West Coast, with names like Siren’s Song pale ale or Amber Artifact lager, which was brewed in celebration of the Royal B.C. Museum’s 125th anniversary. To top off the local feel, Vince Vaccaro often plays on the in-house speakers.

I listen to a lot of music — really, it’s almost all I do. No matter what I’m doing, there’s always some aural pleasure accompanying me. This constant need to be basking in sonic sweetness extends to my viewing of movies: I have an unwavering love of band documentaries. I’m fascinated by the inner workings of the musical process, and even on-screen documentations of bands or artists that aren’t in my usual listening canon often keep me riveted. 2011 brought an incredible film on perhaps the most important band in my listening life, Pearl Jam (Twenty). In honour of this momentous movie, here I look at a few of my favourite in-depth artist portraits from the last few years.

Finding a locally grown, organic meal. Cars not giving right of way to bikes. Getting sucked into a technology loop of status updates and pre-recorded TV. These are just some of the first-world problems that plague the Independent Film Channel (IFC) sketch comedy show, Portlandia. Two actors play multiple characters, keeping the humour unpredictable and fresh as Portlandia pokes fun at a new generation of stereotypes who live in Portland.

A farcical comedy that had the crowd laughing even before the lights came up, The Drowsy Chaperone is a must-see spoof on 1920s Broadway musicals with romance, prohibition, spit-takes and gangsters.

UPDATE: The Gift of Gab show has been cancelled since the print edition of this article was released.

Poetry, burlesque and cigars spell only one thing: sophistication. Add six of Victoria’s best male spoken-word artists to that equation, and you will have a classy affair celebrating what we love most about men.

I want everyone to read this sentence out loud: “Forgive me, Mighty Spoon, for I have sinned. I have made pasta out of a box that includes a white packet of orange powder. I have added that orange powder to the pasta, along with some milk and butter if I have it. And I have called this abomination ‘Macaroni and Cheese.’ ”

Peacocks feathers have fanned out over the last year as colourful designs and muses for stationery, home décor, clothing, accessories — and they’ve made their grand appearance in jewelry as well.