I hate the term “making love” almost as much as calling my vagina a “flower.” It sounds sensual in the creepiest way, like a trembling hairless cat; however, regardless of how uncomfortable the term may be, it wasn’t long ago that I sought its highly acclaimed intimacy.
It started when I had multiple sex partners, each having an expiration date of one evening. I found myself content with this arrangement, until a British backpacker I met preached the lullabies of love-making (simply top drawer!). His advice was nothing new, but somehow his accent delivered the message with more conviction. He told me if I treat sex like any other activity, I wouldn’t experience its full potential, and I’d always be looking for a quick fix; flash back to my last-call panic attacks, after-the-bar-filters-out couples, self-respecting individuals, and those too inebriated to cling to youth and desperation. So, taking his advice, I waited. I shut down any offer amounting to nothing more than a one-night stand, and I felt my uterus slowly turning into the Sahara desert. Finally, after dozens of trials, I made love (cringe) for the first time. After it happened I felt like I finally knew what the hell Michael Bolton was singing about.
Making love was like a chinook of rose petals enveloping my body, whispering the lyrics to all my favorite songs, while feeding me freshly baked cookies. Keeping that in mind, sometimes you just want to fuck. So, here’s a way to dissect the difference and see what you’re in the mood for.
When you’re having sex, you’re feeding your sexual desires through raw physical manifestation. It’s a self-regarding act meant to centre your body’s needs by the use of a partner and their reproductive organs. During sex, partners can seek to dominate or control the other. Fetishes and fantasies can come into play, and you can even incorporate some inanimate objects (tip: avoid using anything sharp. If you can’t bring it on an airplane, don’t bring it into bed). Crafty positions make your limbs look detachable, and the pace can range from an ocean tide to Seabiscuit. People also tend to say some really weird shit. After having sex you can cuddle, go into your post-probing/fetal position, or even just get the hell out of there. You got laid; that’s all that matters.
Some people confuse really good sex—or an amazing orgasm—for making love, but there is a fine line between the two. Making love is associated with a deeper connection with your partner, built on trust and respect. Partners regard each other as equals, and not just objects. This mutual dependency is what governs your movements and there’s an emphasis on full-body contact. For those who panic about where to look during sex, I find it’s less awkward looking at this person in the eyes. After making love, you can spoon, share your feelings, and maybe even cry because it was so damn beautiful.
This is not to proclaim the chastity and superiority of love-making, or undermine casual sex. Sex alleviates tension, and the way you approach it depends on your mood. It takes a keen eye to notice a difference between The Notebook and Busty Blonde Gets a Creampie, so hopefully this helps you get a better understanding of what you want on Valentine’s Day. Happy hump day, everybody!